There is nothing wrong with feeling pleased when you get a compliment. We ALL like getting compliments. But your need is very, very deep to be wanted and you should figure out why. Until you do, you will keep cycling through these patterns and you never will have a stable R with yourself or anybody else in an intimate sense.

It is way too much work to be with somebody so needy. As a woman I can say it's disgusting and a turn off. If any woman tells you otherwise they are messed up too. It's exactly why I question what your OW is really all about. No 26 year old in their right mind would go near a man that is not legally separated or divorced, in mediation with their W, has a young kid and is financially struggling as you say you are. It's just not normal behavior for a young woman who claims she has her whole life in order. No normal or well adjusted woman would be okay with you telling her that your W is still in the picture and you aren't sure where things are going. Something is very wrong with this picture. What is it? If I had to guess it probably has lots to do with the fact she has reached a high position in her career at a young age. There is little else for her to obtain other than a R. Because she may feel like she *needs* a R she is okay with (A) your neediness (which can be confused for desire and somebody with long term potential) or (B) settling for less than what she deserves. Who knows but the thought has crossed my mind when reading about her.

My guess is she is needy too. And when you put two needy people together you are create a bond of codependency that will never be broken and eventually the R will cycle to a very bad place. Add in the fact you still have a W waltzing around in the background and you are looking at a red hot mess waiting to happen.

How can you fall *deeply* in love with somebody over the course of ONE summer which is roughly 8 weeks? You can feel deep in lust or like but what you were feeling was all emotional and not real deep love. That level of love takes years to develop. But your emotions guide so many of your thoughts and feelings and actions I am not sure you are able to tell the difference.

Your self esteem must be low and that is understandable given the fact your W had an affair. But as you said this has been an ongoing problem for you long before your W came along. Maybe if you figure out why then things can change if you work at them.

But really think about how you react to any sort of attention from anybody. Remember the guy at the bank who gave you his card? You came here and reported it like you were king... just lapping up the attention.

All I am saying is if you want to try and rebuild your marriage you have to start off by not *needing* it. It doesn't even sound like you really want it all that much or at the very least you are very confused about it. One day you are over it and the next day you are trying to be better. And I bet that is a confusing place to be.

If you like the idea of being needed why not direct your energies to something more positive. Go volunteer - you will be needed and appreciated beyond belief and you will feel good.

You say you are attractive, confident and so on but if you really felt that way you wouldn't need to hear it from somebody else. It's nice to hear it, I think we can all agree on that, but needing it at such a deep level is something different.

Only you have the power to break this cycle. It will be the only way to rebuild your M. But you really should also do it for you.