Sandi's Place

[FindingMyVoice]

So then, for example, if this were my experience and I was journaling what I'm needing to feel loved in my M, I'd write:

1) Words sweet, wonderful things; (love stuff).
2) I would like OM to chase after me.

I'd expand on the 'chase after me' a bit - what exactly does that mean to you - what kind of behaviors would you have to see in your H to feel that he's chasing after you? Then add more stuff - whatever it is that the other man did that gave you those butterflies. Then ask your H to do the same. The feelings of love come from behaviors: communication, touching, eye contact... it's actually very tangible. I know that likely sounds very unromantic, but I believe it's very true.

FMV... Did you and your H have SSM?

Yes, we have. For oh, about (surprise surprise) 10 years. Since I've been doing the work with my IC, and asking my H for what I need that is slowly turning around. But emotional connection comes first. Physical, last. That takes the longest - we're still working on that but we've had a couple...uh... encounters in the last while that make me feel the tide is turning! The frequency is improving but still not great. But the passion each time is getting stronger. Which is interesting; I thought the frequency would increase first. Huh. Learned something new again. Anyways, again, I've had to specifically ask him for what I needed. And ask more than a couple times before it's really been starting to get through.

Crazy as it sounds, I was better w/H BEFORE I started trying to break it off w/ OM. Now I'm just acting like a crazy woman with everybody!!!

That actually doesn't sound crazy to me at all. When you still connecting with OM, you were getting some needs met. Now that you're pulling away from OM, those needs are going unfulfilled. That's why I'm saying it's so important to figure out exactly what those needs are. Then if they're needs you can fulfill yourself then find a way to do so; or if they're needs of your H, you can communicate how important those needs are to you and ask him if he's able to fulfill them for you (eg, the loving words, the chasing).

I know this likely sounds weird, like making a shopping list or a 'things-to-do-list' for you H. But honest to God, it's the truth of what I did to reconnect with my H, and let go of my attraction to the OM, and it worked.