Not sure where to start or end? WAW? #4

[john28]

CityGirl, thanks. I don't deny that any of what you said is true. I do feel like I *need* someone, I won't deny that. I guess I've always been like that. It makes me feel good when I'm doted on, told great things to, loved and cherished.

I reflected a little tonight about this. I've done the same thing before in my life. About 11 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted 3 years (until 2002). Two of those years were long distance and I was in college and she was back home. I cheated on her with multiple people for the last two years of our relationship while away at college. And I loved her - I really did, but I *needed* someone THERE to tell me I was attractive to feel wanted, etc. She never found out about the cheating that I did even to this day - but she broke up with me for other reasons, namely she found another guy in the same town and she was only 18 at the time and wanted to live a full life.

So we broke up and I was devastated. Why, with all my cheating was I so devastated? I reflect now and see that it was because I was rejected and unwanted - because I had the feeling of *needing* her. I was a mess for about two years after that - jumping from one girl to the next, involved in a couple 4-6 month relationships as well. I probably dated 25 women in the two years following that breakup.

Then something happened in the summer of 2004. I found myself spiritually and emotionally and really LOVED myself. I really truly found out who I was and I was HAPPY with MYSELF. For the first time ever I was GAL without another woman and found out who I was and I loved that. I was content, happy, and good. I dated a girl that summer and fell deeply in love with her after finding myself. She broke up with me and I was just FINE. It hurt, but I was good and fine because I loved myself.

Then shortly after, I met my W in the fall of 2004 and it was history from there.

History has repeated itself for me again.