New Knitting

[hurtinhartford]

Hey NCU,

It went well. You will have to read what I wrote. I think I have detached enough that it did not hurt when I saw her. I will send you a message on the alt later.

[NotCrackingUp]

Hi Piano.
I hope you're ok. It does feel like a growing process. I also feel lost, like I'm floating in space. And very sad at times. Is your H giving any sign of life?
NCU

[Piano]

I'm very sad at times too, and also very happy at times. Hardest part is dealing with WH, or knowing how to, what 'tone' (or not) to take when communicating about bubs or money.
I had an email from him a week ago. Thought about repsonding in a friendly but business-like manner, then I got angry, guilty, sad, compassionate, lost, all over again.
I think they call that co-dependency.
Toughest thing is working out how I can get back to Europe and do the things I want to do as a single mum. Not like folks have heaps of spare bedrooms over there to put me & baby up. It's crammed, as you know.

How's your H behaving lately?

[NotCrackingUp]

Hi Piano,
I know what you mean about not being able to find the right tone in communication. It must be even harder when you never see him and with a new baby and all the upheaval that entails. Not only is the baby the centre of your world, but I know it took me a good 12 months each time to get back to "normal", physically and emotionally after the birth. And my life with H was fine, then.

I met my H this morning. i had to take the kids to twn to hand them over, he wanted us to go for coffee. The cafés on the market square were shut (armistice-day hols tomorrow), so I said I'd make tracks and see him around. But he insisted. So we found an open establishment. He started to talk about Christmas, wants to spend it with us, if that's okay by me. I suppose he means Christmas day. I agree with that, for the children. Anyhow, I'd be miserable on my own with them on that day.Wanted to tell me about his work, courses he has to do next June and July. i just listened, then said June was a long way off. I had asked advice of PinHead, who told me to stay businesslike and not talk about the relationship and the marriage. I nearly took the advice, nearly... I said to my H that we'd have to talk, that I have been leaving him time and freedom, not asking questions, but that we do need to talk, just the two of us. He beat about the bush a lot, then, trying with difficulty not to cry (big tears about to fall and his moth working) he managed to get out "would you still want to rebuild something, even after all that happened?" If I'd taken PH's advice, I'd have said "leave it with me, I'll get back to you". But I even surprised myself by saying " I would, without hesitation, but we'd have to be two wanting that". He said he was lost, didn't know anything. Was trying to stop tears from flowing. We left it at that, but he insisted on giving me a lift to the shopping centre, where I was heading on foot. I stayed calm and hid my emotions. I did tell him that all that had happened had hurt a lot and that if we did rebuild, it would be from scratch.But I kept smiling. I'm a lot more relaxed than he is now, that's certain. I won't hold my breath, hope hurts, but it seems he's coming down off his high horse.I do hope all this isn't just a ploy to see where I stand. If that's the case, I did myself no favours and wil live to regret it, but I'll learn from it. If his sadness is genuine, he may be on the way back, but it could take ages and it'll have to.I'd never have made a poker-player, that's certain.

So there you have the latest. He's just phoned now to ask me some question about an English slogan he needs for something. Didn't really need to ring, he knew the answer. Strange.
All this is bad for the old blood-pressure!
NCU

[hurtinhartford]

NCU,

I read your latest post. I don't want to get too excited, but it appears that your sitch has taken on a new dynamic...Congratulations! I wish that mine would take a new turn to, but alas I believe there is no chance. I cannot offer too much advice since I am not in that position other than take it slow and make your H work/prove that he is willing to commit to the R and M. Good Luck NCU!!!

[Dagny-2]

That is all positive news, NCU. I think it lets him know that he hasn't truly blown it and the door is open for reconciliation. Possibly with the holidays approaching, and he is obviously thinking about them, he is realizing everything that he has given up and could potentially lose -- maybe life on his own isn't providing all that happiness he thought it would.

Maybe he also sees that you are surviving without him, that you are stronger than he thought, but then again, who knows what they think! If you are honest with yourself and him, than there is no regrets in actions. I hope things keep progressing so well, but most importantly, I hope you are happy.

Dagny

[Piano]

NCU, how are you??