Now, I have not one man rejecting me but two (at least that is how it feels).
Don't look at your H as though he's rejecting you. There is a problem, but it could be a health issue or something else that could be fixed fairly easy. As for the OM rejecting you......how did he reject you, or why do you "feel" rejected by him? Is that why you played a silent game with him, b/c you felt rejected?
Yes, I think I do know a lot of what you are dealing with right now. Before I started an EA with OM, I was playing games and men would try to flirt but I had no interest and would immediately stop playing with them. But once I found a young man who was so funny and kept me laughing all the time. I really needed the laughter, too. Like you, I grew to really depend on that time I had with him. We finally stopped playing the game and would IM each other. I had no sexual attraction toward him, but I felt so ........I don't know how to describe it. I was so hungry for a friendship b/c I had not had a close friend in a very long time. Anyway, as we talked it got a little more flirty, but we eventually stopped contacting each other. I had a hard time getting over that and was frustrated b/c I didn't understand why it bothered me so much. It was the friendship and I missed it when it ended.
The same was true with the OM I had the EA with. I loved talking to him. He had several qualities I liked, but obvisous he had one that wasn't too good.....going after M women. There was no way that man could have lived up to my fantasy I had of him & me. He was a player and very good at it.
It is an addiction! You must look at it that way and treat it as you would an additction. Making just a little bit of contact........how does that affect the additction? As long as we feed it, it will grow. We have to do like a band-aide and rip it off.
After I ended the EA then I had a bad problem with keeping OM active in my mind. Especially when I would go to bed and try to go to sleep. My fantasy of him would kick in and so I had to battle that for a while. But, it does finally stop! It's not fun to go through that, but you have to in order to have a healthy life.
I'm so glad to hear you've started back taking care of yourself. If you read up on all the ways a lack of thyroid affects you, then you will be sure to take it like the doctor described. And by all means, take your hormones.
Walking every day is such good excersise and it gives you what you need to be able to fight off this mental stuff that seems to be chasing you right now. Be thankful you can do that, and go after it. If you keep this up, then by Christmas you should feel a big difference. Your mood will be so much better, you'll see.
Dancing? Oh....you go girl! I think that would be great! If you can get your H to participate, it would be good b/c both of you would be involved in an activity. You might have to trade off and do something with him that he likes to do. Getting out of the rut.....that's what it's all about. We M people get into this dull, boring, lifeless R that woulds kill a snale. Doing different things and things out of routine.....making it fun, etc. I think that is the best medicine for any R.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
