I know what you mean--so many times when my H or I would get upset about something the other had said or done, it would turn out later (after the freezing the other person out) that no harm had been intended.
All the same, if what's being said is genuinely hurtful, I think you need to bring your H's attention to that, as quickly as you feel able to do so in a loving and respectful manner. You might say, "H, when I hear 'x,' I feel hurt/disrespected/attacked.... So I'd just like to understand why you used those particular words."
If he continues to attack, you need to set your boundary (and then maintain it firmly). If, as you say, you misunderstood the intent or he misspoke, the fact you've been calm and non-accusatory should make it possible to have an amicable discussion about it. Don't think of this as an argument, but as a mature way of sidestepping one.
