I think if you really go back and read some of your older posts you will have a light bulb moment. You have said many, many times you *need* somebody to tell you that you look good and you *need* somebody to dote on you. It's fine to want those things within reason but needing those things? You don't. You need to be able to fill up those holes on your own. And at this time you really can't seem to. Why?
I am going to guess the hospital was fully staffed and well equipped to deal with your medical emergency as well as a patient who had no immediate family support. Yet you called and called around because you *needed* somebody there. You had lots of people there... doctors, nurses and staff. Having been hospitalized several times I understand wanting somebody around but without you, you would have been fine.
Your W knows what you *need* so she gives it to you in dribs and drabs. I get it... you want to feel like the big strong H who can take care of things for his W. I think most men want to feel that way but right now its not the dynamic the two of you share.
As long as your W knows you *need* things like you do she will be able to keep you hooked. She may be acting more pleasant and polite (ex: thanking you) but that's not really much to write home about IMO. It's basic human decency to say thank you when somebody does something for you.
It just seems some of the things you do that you feel are a big deal really are nothing. But they feel huge to you because you *need* them to. Giving a woman and child a coat when it's cold is not a big deal at all. Having the woman thank you is not a big deal. But as you relayed the story it seemed to hold weight with you.
You do not *need* anybody to take care of you, compliment you or any of the other things you have posted. You may want it but you don't need it. And as long as you keep telling yourself you *do* need those things (instead of simply wanting them) you will keep attracting people who also have *needs* and not *wants*. Or, as you are seeing now with your W you will keep attracting people that know what your *needs* are and will use them to her full advantage.
It seems to me all your W has offered you is a list of administrative tasks to complete (faxing, calling dr) or sent you on an errand to fix her car (so you would pay for it). But you felt needed so you did them. And that is fine if you are fine with it.
Everybody needs people. I am not suggesting otherwise. But the level of what we need really decides how healthy we are to be in a long term R.
In 15 or 20 years would you want your son thinking he *needs* to have somebody tell him he looks good or *needs* to have somebody dote on him? I doubt it. I bet you would want him to be able to meet his own needs first before he invited somebody else to SHARE his life with.
You proclaim to be very emotionally and I do think if you start using logic to think and guide you things might change. It feels emotionally good to be with OW but it's not logical. It feels emotionally good to be *needed* by your W but it's not logical given the situation.
If you were detached from your W the idea of her asking you to do things for her would not mean a thing to you. It just seems you are putting an awful lot of stock in a few requests.
