I was never good at any sport. It didn't stop me from enjoying playing, not a lot of organized sports, just in the neighborhood and on the playground. Eventually I got ok at the stuff we'd play in gym, softball, volleyball, etc. Not so much because I was athletic, but I was smart enough to figure out what I could do. I couldn't hit hard, but I figured out how to hit where I wanted to, for example. I couldn't spike, but I could set.
Dan's view on this is totally twisted. Sports should be fun. They help us stay healthy. And we learn teamwork, the value of practice, etc. But when the fun goes out of it, you end up losing all the other positive points. And that's what Dan is pushing for.
You can't fix that, just do your best to encourage Nathan, and do your part to keep it fun!
I got nothing. I was here because I thought someone wanted a kiss.
Wii, I see you and I have a similar taste in books. When I really need to improve my vocabulary skills or my mind needs a mental floss I lock myself up in the study room with a wine and a cigar and crack open Goodnight Moon or Green eggs and ham.
Well, I DO still want a kiss...
It just seems whenever I try to talk to Dan it goes nowhere. He is convinced that I have TOO laid-back of an approach, while I feel is he way too intense to the opposite degree.
I do think Nathan needs to practice more, and I will work on that. However I just don't know what to do if Nathan is not ever really good at any given sport. For some reason that is so important to Dan. If Nathan were really good at school (which he is, he is above grade level in every subjec), if he was strong in speech/drama like me, he would still not be good enough for Dan. I don't think I can prevent Dan's anger/scorn/whatever from seeping through. He has to hear it from someone other than me....
"YOU" don't know what to do if Nathan is not ever really good at sports"....???
Why? Is being "good" at sports really that important at all?
I was never good at sports...come to think of it I was never good at anything I tried, I mean even my marriage was a failure...wait that's not the point
I whole heartedly agree with all the others are saying, however, I see that kids also give up too easily or don't try. I'm not saying that's the case with Nathan I'm just saying it keeps people from achieving things later in life. My dad was very strict on us when it came to school. I struggled with math and he would make it miserable. I think all he wanted to do was make me think before saying 'I don't know how to do this' or 'I can't figure it out'. I see that with DD too when I'm helping her do the homework. I want her to try even if it's wrong, I want to see some effort from her before I help her. Having said that if Nathan has no interest in it that's a whole different thing and he shouldn't be forced to 'enjoy' something he's not interested in. But if he wants to play but isn't good at it yet then he just needs help and encouragement...but just as importantly he also needs to put in some effort.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Right at this time, three years ago today, I got a call from the anonymous informant at Dan's work--the one who told me a few weeks before that I needed to "find out who Dan was bowling with", the one who said, "I vowed to never let a wife be kept in the dark the way I was when my exH had an affair"...
It was a Friday, and as I stood in my kitchen in Kansas City with the cordless phone I heard her say, "Isn't your husband in St. Louis? Well SHE has been telling all the girls here that she was going there, too. She took the day off today. She is with him."
And that is when I called my sister back in Iowa, made arrangements to drive 2.5 hours to the central Iowa/Missouri border to drop off my kids with her. She was such a Godsend, taking them without hesitation back to Des Moines with her for the weekend.
I spent the evening driving another several hours to St. Louis, getting there around midnight...fielding calls and texts from Dan all the while and acting like nothing was wrong...fearing that if I confronted him and he was alone, he would be able to prove his accusations that I was just "crazy" and "paranoid" and nothing was going on...
Yep today was the day I felt like I drove for an eternity, wanting to get to the hotel and never wanting to get to the hotel. But I went and I saw and I survived.
Three years later sometimes it feels like a few months and some times it feels like a lifetime. I would do a lot of things differently but I can't so I don't dwell on that.
I always think of November 10 as bomb day since that is when I caught them at the hotel, that early morning, her still in the bed--and she never got out of it the two hours I stood there staring at them and talking to Dan. (why the hell did I waste two hours? Should have just turned on my heel and been gone. But too late for that...)
But really it was November 9 when I got the call that put it all in motion...
Oh and just for the record, I am not freaking out about it, not even all that sad...cause unfortunately there were so many 'bombs' in our marriage that they all pretty much roll together. Just noticed what day it was, that's all... and it helped me to see that as far as I have come in three years, I definitely need to keep spreading my wings and building the distance between us...
BBJ, jeez...I'm so sorry to hear how it all went down. We all have our crazy sh*t war stories to tell don't we? I hope you recognize how far you've come since that day and how well you've managed things on your own in this time. You'll continue to make your life better by taking whatever steps are necessary.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I don't think I can prevent Dan's anger/scorn/whatever from seeping through. He has to hear it from someone other than me.... 
