1) There is hope. I was you one year ago. I could write your story. I was just more angry.
2) Of the 6 billion people on the planet, there is only one who is completely subject to your will. That is the person on whom you can effect the greatest change. Work on that person.
3) You can't talk your way out of this. You will never say it so that she understands. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Change you first. Read "Sex Starved Marriage" by Michelle Weiner-Davis (our host here). Change you first. I tried all sorts of "tactics" but none of it worked until I CHANGED ME. (strategy)
5) Go ALL IN. Become an expert on your family and what's going on. It's YOUR FAMILY, do not withdraw. Know what's going on with everyone.
6) PISS YOUR WIFE OFF. Do not be afraid of her. Do not appease her to get sex. Make YOU happy. The next time that she does something unacceptable, set a boundary. (Do it within 24 hours the first time, get faster after that) Look up coach's excellent thread on boundaries. "Wife, when you *blank*, I feel *blank*. I can't live with that any more. If you *blank* again, I will *blank*." Here was mine: Wife when you speak to the children like that, I feel that they are being verbally abused. If you speak to them like that again, I will tell you to leave the room. If you don't, I will take the kids and leave the house." She screamed. She cried. She accused. She tested. Our marriage and sex life got better.
7) Let go of resentment. It is the marriage killer. If you are going to resent doing something, don't do it. Do the chores that you want to do because you want to do them not because it makes her happy or gets you sex.
I WAS YOU. Sunday night, I did unspeakable things to my wife for almost 2 hours. (we're at 2.5 to 3 times a week now)
Your wife may not change, but you'll be in a much better spot when you leave her if you change you. Because the assertive confident guy that I just described won't wait forever to his wife to catch up. She's still at home. There's still time. Go get her tiger.
