Sandi's Place

[sandi2]

You almost made it, and today you will go 24 hrs without contacting OM. I think you've got to start getting to bed at a normal hour, especially if you have kids in school. It is those wee hours of the night we do seem to be at our weakest.

That night I left and went to my mother's, I was thinking of the OM and how worried he must be about me (since I had spoke to him over the phone just minutes before I left). Ha...the next day when I reached him, I was some what disappointed that he didn't show more concern. It had shocked my mother that I would even wonder about OM and "his" feelings. She thought I should have been thinking of my H. Well, I would have under different circumstances, but I was deep in the EA fog.

You are putting OM up on the same level as your H. You may not realize you are doing that, but you are. In your post, you've mention more than once your concern in how OM may have felt about you going dark. (BTW, when did you go dark on him?) And, then after contacting him last night you are even more concerned about OM.

I don't know if you are a goal setter or not, but here's some things that I hope you will keep focused on. And do not allow your feelings to dictate your actions on this.
First, drop all contact from OM. You told him, now there is no point in talking ever again. Block emails, TM's, etc. You do not owe OM anything. That is something we WAW's in an A needs to realize. When it's over...it's over! Don't find any more reasons why to contact him. He's a big boy, and you are not the only woman he's had this conncetion with....you can bet on it. I didn't want to hear that either, but you can bank on it being true. Those game sites are some men's route to hooking up with females. If he sounds upset then it's probably b/c he thought he was close to physical contact with you. So, don't put OM on the same level as your H. Do not give OM that amount of importance.

Change up your routine. I used to start out the day thinking that I was ready to give up OM and work on my M, but by the time I got home from work, I couldn't wait to get on the computer to IM OM. Change your schedule up some way. If you are a night owl, then get some new movies to watch, books to read, or if you feel strong enough.....post on the board. However,if getting near the computer makes you too weak, then you may have to stay away for a few days.

Find some new projects to fill your time. I know that you know how b/c you're use to filling the void in your life. When a woman is unhappy for as many years as you've been...and not getting the attention from her H, then she learns to fill that gap. I did the same thing.

For a while, you have to just look out for yourself. By that, I mean that you have to get over OM, and that is going to take time. If your H hasn't even noticed anything.....that's kind of sad, but I know how it is. But you may not be able to take on everything at once. Maybe try to get better yourself and then start putting work into the M.

Depression, low thryroid, lack of hormones, fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue.....had me to the point I could barely crawl out of bed every day. It took several tries but I found a doctor who saw the condition I was in and he worked with me to help me physically. When we are that physically pulled down, then we can't expect to have any desire or energy to undertake a task that we feel is completely burned out. At least, that's how it was for me.

So, I hope you will take very good care of yourself physically. And, as I've told several people about myself, I had to be willing to be willing before I could put fort effort in my M. At first, my H wanted to see me putting 100% into the effort(which I thought was ironic since I used to be the one doing the 100%) but I told him that I was working on becoming willing.....to be willingat working.

You won't have those feelings you're wanting to experience. Not for a while, anyway. I can tell you are addicted to it b/c you don't really care "how" or from "where" you get the PEA, just as long as you get it.

Got to run......I'll be back.