Change or do not change, and go through life a codependent with crappy boundaries who is constantly angling to find newer and more secret tactics to "control" somebody else's bad behavior.
I agree that people come here because they are codependent, have never learned to set boundaries, and are often closet controllers/victims. If it takes them several months to learn more effective behaviours, that's expected and fine. Coming back to this site a second time, however, suggests that they have not internalized/stuck with the necessary changes.
I don't know that "tactics are paper crap in the end" if they're used as intended. At the end of her book for wives, MWD tells them that they probably bought the book thinking they were going to change their husbands--but look what happened: they've been forced to change themselves.
The same is true of all the DB "tactics" I believe: they start with the LBS "faking it" to gain some control over their situation, but they end, in most cases, with self-respecting adults who demand healthy relationships. These tactics are something for the bombed LBSer to cling to while making the necessary changes to him/herself.
