Then he let me down by running off with OW while I was back in my country waiting for him to arrive.
Friends, I still love my husband. But I don't know if it's the husband I used to know, or what... I was the WORST DBer in the history of the world - lashing out in anger, desperate, crying, pleading, begging for 7 months while I was pregnant and just after the birth.
You're not going to get a 2x4 from me on this except for the fact that you take all the blame for a choice he decided to make.
No one forced him to leave, no one forced him to shack up with another woman, no one forced him to marry you and get you pregnant and then leave you without a husband and your baby without a father.
He made those decisions and you need to allow him to take responsibility for those choices and actions.
You want to apologize for being angry, sad, desperate, crying, begging, pleading, begging while being pregnant and I'm going to be someone who is going to tell you that you don't need to apologize.
When a woman is pregnant (and even afterwards), there are so many changes happening in her body, a lot of them hormonal - YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS PROCESS.
Think of this way, when you first found out you were pregnant, didn't you get emotional just at the news and idea of being pregnant? Heck that was just at the beginning.
So you body changes a lot, different hormones are being produced to get the body ready, the required growing environment ready for the baby to live and grow in for the next several months. Getting emotional and having mood swings is extremely commonplace, expecting everything to be normal as it was prior to getting pregnant is just silly. You are just bound to feel many different emotions and feelings during this change process.
The changes are normal and don't define you as a person, my goodness Piano, you make it sound like you should be put in prison for behaving like a pregnant woman!
You went through ups and downs, maybe you felt insecure, scared, had anxiety, some days you were happy and glowing, other days you were miserable and crying. Some days maybe you felt overweight and unattractive to your spouse. Some days you worried about the health of your baby, your health, how labor would be, worrying about every doctor's visit and exam and hoping to hear good news during each visit to the doctor.
All normal.
What wasn't normal unfortunately was your husband's response. He abandoned you at a point in your life when you were most vulnerable: when you were pregnant. He got you pregnant and then he hooked up with another woman, and leaves you. He gives you flimsy excuses and explanations, lots of pressure this, and we can't make it living in this country that, and this is too much for me to do, I feel like I'm doing this all by myself. Plain and simple, the guy was afraid of being an adult, afraid of adult responsibilities. Being married to you and having a kid brought reality crashing to his door. He wasn't the first guy to ever react like this and unfortunately he won't be the last.
Stop taking this on as it being your fault entirely.
It isn't your fault.
I personally would never blame a pregnant woman for acting like a pregnant woman, not now or ever. When I do bust people, its usually for not acting like an adult.
You may have both (you and your husband) contributed to issues in your marriage before you got pregnant and you have joint responsibility in that, but no one forced him to marry you, to get you pregnant, to cheat on you, to abandon you and move far away from you. He's a big boy, he can assume responsibility for his actions.
You have bigger fish to fry now, you have to make sure that you and your baby have a good life, safe place to live, some sort of income to support you both, a good environment for the baby to grow in and a good environment for you to heal yourself and move on with your life.
I know you still want your husband but for now, continue focusing on you and your baby and make a good life for the both of you, come back here for support, updates but most importantly take care of yourself and that baby.
