frown. No Sandi, I didn't. Caved at 20 hrs. ...those lonely wee small moments of the morning are dangerous, especially when you sleep alone.

Now, more drama with OM (or at least MY feelings for him). I think he sees what is happening, and is withdrawing himself. It is so hard to deal with these text messaging communications. I'm wondering if I've made too much out if it... Maybe it's NOT an EA? No, it definitely was... But I think my going dark with no explanation definitely threw cold water on it.

I'm seeing now how much I invested in myself emotionally in this:(
So...

Thank you Mike for your comments... You are right.
But it is just so hard after 20 years to rock the boat.
My life is actually pretty good from the outside looking in... But how all these years of not having intimacy (not just sex) I've become self-destructive, but not in ways that embarrass my family. I've just given up myself.:(

I feel powerless, even with my kids.

I've got to go function for the next 24 hours... High profile school events that I can't drop the ball on for my kids. I need to detach from this situation for a while just to function...

Thanks Lotus, Mike, Sandi for your support.