Just getting out my thoughts and feelings so hopefully they won't plague me all day :-)
I feel hurt, betrayed. I cannot believe he abandoned me like this. I wonder if he is with her, what they do together, how I measure up to her I wonder what he is thinking right now Does he miss me Does he ever think of what we've built together and realize that he's throwing it all away Does he not see that I'm a decent person? I've reacted in anger and have been resentful, but he has done some really sh***y things to me in the past, which he fully acknowledges. He just can't live with me not forgiving him. I'm working on forgiving him, but then the anger bubbles up, and I unleash it, sometimes into a pillow, sometimes on the treadmill, sometimes to him :-) Does he not remember our first date? What about when he taught me to snowboard? How about the time I worked overtime, Christmas day, and New Year's day to buy him a $900 ski coat that he had always dreamed of owning? I feel so lost without him. I miss having brunch, I miss walking the dogs together. I miss cooking together and shopping.
Things I don't miss: Him drinking too much and staying out late His laziness and how I had to pick up all the slack on the homefront His selfishness, I had to twist his arm to do anything I wanted to do, in fact, a few years into our relationship I just gave up and stopped bugging him to do things with me. I just did them on my own. I went to friends weddings by myself. I went to family functions by myself.
Hopefully that's it for today. I hope that getting it all out on paper (or computer screen) will help me drop it for the rest of the day.
