Ugh, reading this is a glaring reality that I've given up 20 years of a normal, healthy sexual marriage. I settled. The house, the picket fence, the kids... But without that deep loving marriage I've needed and wanted. In SO many ways H has treated me better than anybody, like a Queen in fact. But it's all been in exchange for the lack of intimacy. Now that he's stopped lots of acts of service, I don't feel loved in ANY way.
5 more hours to go, and I'll have made it 24 without OM. He's not the answer.
I'm just not sure my marriage is either:(
Thank you Sandi for being here. (((HUG))) Lol,I needed that.
But I keep trying add reasons to the list (which at the TOP are my H and family), but...
Even if I am a HOT older woman, I could still be OM's mother Are there older guys out there like OM, that don't just want younger woman???
Just asking this, since putting my entire situation in writing and looking at my 20 yr marriage... Feeling very alone, unloved, undesirable, etc. Last thing I was looking for was a 32 yr old OM.
This is painful, oh so painful on so many levels... And I honestly did not go looking for it... But here it is, and it makes the reality of my SSM oh so real:(
not sure if I'll ever find happiness in lovelife, but am so sad and angry just to have nothing but the kids to live for:(
trying to stay dark... The wee hours of the morning are the worst.
"Getting through what's called the mourning period was not fun, but trying to get to the point of "wanting" to work on my M was actually harder for me. The depression and all of it put together was a hard hill for me to climb"
CAVED. Ugh... Just felt bad going dark with no explanation. 20 hours of no contact -- I guess it's a process. Well, my absence certainly threw cold water on things... No response from my H all day either; ignoring me, as usual:(
I've got Internet E/A OM hurt and angry at me, not to mention very confused even though we're not that involved (or so I thought).
H still going to bed, in his separate room ... No Goodnight, I don't even expect a kiss anymore -- he's so into HIS computer, who knows maybe having A of his own... maybe even a gay A???
My life is a mess ... So, just get up and carry on with huge project for D's team at school on Wednesday, meetings at school tomorrow night.
Has anyone suggested Retrouvaille to you? Your marriage sounds a lot like mine used to. then we went to Retrouvaille, and now we are the sweet, thoughtful, kind to each other couple. Check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for locations and dates of weekends. It can really change your life!
Getting REALLY messy... Shouldn't have gone dark with telling the OM I was going to do it... Now I feel like a double bad person. My confusion, even in this very brief EA (but long friendship prior) has now hurt somebody else:( and I've lost my friendship. Yuck, who knew online could be so real??? Now I'm sorry I went dark the way I did it. I didn't want to hurt ANYBODY... Ughhhhh
I feel pathetically alone, a horrible role model for my kids and my husband could care less. And, I've lost my good friend by turning it into EA, then dumping him without even telling him.
Most of all, I've let myself down in every way... Just stopped caring about myself because my H didn't seem to. The worst part is that this isn't the kind of role model I want to be for D.
