Forgot to mention, WH says he would like to come to see the baby in May next year, around her first birthday.

I am getting a life, am practicing gratitude all the time, and I am much more in control of my feelings - watch them come and go rather than be consumed by them.

Having said that I am a slow mover when it comes to making plans for my future, still lack self-esteem (but I am learning to love and be proud of myself) and make decisions.

I am reading a lot of self help books - currently Feel The Fear and Do it Anyway, and Co-Dependent No More just arrived today, and I am starting to "get it". I am getting that I create my own happiness, despite or in spite of what WH has "done".

I can also totally now see why he left me....

I was living my life in fear and paralysed, unable to make decisions, move forward and own my life.

When we decided to move back to my country, it was because we were unable to make it work and feel confident about our life in Europe. He felt he was carrying all the weight. He didn't want to do that anymore, esp with a baby on the way.

I know I let "us" down.

Then he let me down by running off with OW while I was back in my country waiting for him to arrive.


Friends, I still love my husband. But I don't know if it's the husband I used to know, or what... I was the WORST DBer in the history of the world - lashing out in anger, desperate, crying, pleading, begging for 7 months while I was pregnant and just after the birth.

I sabotaged my opportunity to save us. Because there was a window, when he first arrived and dropped the bomb and was still confused.

He needed me to be strong, to lead. And I didn't.

So, what is it now? 11 months later, here I am... beautiful baby, on the other side of the world, I am healing, I am doing really well and never cry anymore, but I think of him all the time still. But I am making plans for me and my daughter that don't include WH.

I want to save my M, though I know the old one is very dead.

So I guess I want a new one, preferably - oh yes, preferably - with WH. But if someone else comes along meanwhile, and if WH is still out of the picture, who knows, I might not say No.

I have some power..and this is where I could do with some support... I have our daughter, obviously, 100% of the time. WH wants news. He needs me.

Many would say WH does not deserve his daughter, considering, but all the experts and common sense tells me that a child is better off with some contact rather than none...

I want to show WH what he is missing out on...

I know he wants to have a relationship with her, but today he does NOT want one with me...

I need to write back to WH and again in my sitch I could go 2 ways...

1. be upbeat, charming, lead etc

2. business like.


I know 'trad' Dbing advice would be to try and win him back by being the better option...

and the vets would be more hardlined...

But what's the point of not showing the best me?
Doesn't that just project that I am still angry?
Doesn't that project that I am still 'stuck'?
Isn't the best revenge to show yourself having a great life?

I really could do with some support as to how to write back to my WH in these initial stages...until I get into a groove and it comes naturally...

He's been overseas and living with OW now for 2 + months...

He's saying he wants to come back and see our daughter in May 2011.....

I know I wont see him before then...

This gives me time to keep detaching and keep GALing !