Nobody is telling you not to care about your H. You and your H will be having to work together until your son turns 18 so there is nothing wrong with caring - what you feel for your H though is beyond caring and borderline obsessive.
Going out and doing things, trying new things and making big changes to yourself as a woman *are* part of letting go. The point I was trying to make in my post to y'day is it seems mentally you are so terrified to take that step and that is an indication of a much, much larger problem. And when we can isolate the much larger problem, get the appropriate treatment for the problem THEN we can restructure our lives.
You can't even sleep without your dreams being cluttered with the obsession you have with your H.
Maybe you don't have anxiety like I did but you do exhibit obsessive tendencies and that is keeping you stuck. It doesn't seem to matter to you how poorly your H treats you or how much he uses you or disrespects you. And that is not good.
Your H controls your thoughts to the point that you can't even sleep without him being void in your mind. You have convinced yourself he is coming back if you just be patient. And as long as you cling to that "idea" you will remain just where you are. While you are remaining stuck and destroyed your H is building a life and family with a whole new set of people. I mean, I know that is awful to hear but it's the truth.
I am very, very worried for you. You seem to think one day you will just wake up and not care and everything will be okay. Or you are just sure your H is coming back. You have to work to be better. If you are unable to start the work then you need more help. And there is NOTHING wrong with that! Hell, I needed the help of THREE doctor's! If your IC is not helping though beyond medicating you then it's time to move up the chain of command.
I mean, it's not just us saying things have to change. Your little son is telling you that. Even your dr/insurance company told you they won't do the weight reduction surgery until YOU change. Even your H is telling you to change and rebuild.
Now we all know you can do this but until you try you won't believe a word we say. Eventually though if you don't do something to help yourself your support system will decrease and then you will really be lost. We don't want you lost anymore. You simply must find some sort of balance. Even if medical intervention is necessary at this point.
