You're right about the two year thing. I did become "Melty Man". But I feel more in control now, and I think she has suddenly become aware of that. I could let her stay or rush her out the door. She's also in fear about the kids knowing about the OM. So, I have that. I'm going to take steps as camly and deliberately as my intuition/instincts dictate. Yesterday's "discussion" was partly in "anger" mode. Can't do that. Anxious to hear coach's input on this development.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Well, like I said, didn't have a whole lot of input from coach, 'cause I was blubbering the whole time like a lost schoolboy.
She wants me to change, do the unexpected, get myself together, compete with this OM, learn to read what W is really saying. Funny, after all these years, she seems like a stranger to me. Oh Yeah - ask her not to go.
that is great advice. fantastic.
if you read what your wife is telling you, she wants a new lover.
SO DO THE UNEXPECTED. compete with this OM!
his game is attracting old flames. and he's only got 1.
I'd be out the door burning down the town. Cheating wive's are a dime a dozen and I have 50 cents.
I need time = I want to cake eat for longer until I have had sex, is that ok with you?
Seriously Pickle, you need to bring the hammer down on this... You confronted her, told her end the affair or leave
She asks for more time
You back down and hand it over?
Now she has zero respect for your confronting her... You need to stop letting her yank your chain and you need to put your foot down
Confronting her with a end the affair or leave ultimatum has zero weight if you back off because she asks for more time...
You know what she's gonna DO with that time?
She's gonna KEEP cheating on you, she's gonna start a PA soon, she's gonna then go off the infidelity deep end and decide "i'm in love" and she will move out.
You had her on the ropes and you backed off.. why on earth would you do that?
If you have a spouse panicking because you confront them you keep up the pressure, you don't back off and hand your marriage over to her on a silver platter to toss into the garbage...
I guess I'm in the minority here, but I really think you need to give her a PROPER boundary and follow through if she wants to squirm out of it...
Would you put up with this in high school? Or would you follow through?
Why is it we LOWER our standards of a fully adult spouse to something we wouldn't tolerate in high school?
yep. that's right. plenty of examples of this in Divorce Busting. If they are moving on with their life move on with yours.
If they are carrying on with another person and rubbing it in your face, spending time with this other person and telling you they want a divorce, or have moved out and in with a new lover, those are pretty good indicators they don't want to be married to you. Learn to read what they are really saying.
The DB Coaches advice is excellent. Compete with this OM.
Compete with this OM. What does he have going for him? he's stealing another man's wife. be more attractive than him.
"I will not share my wife with another man."
That's attractive.
Do the Unexpected. Be their friend and move on with your life. You find out real quick there is nothing special about a cheating wife. The dating scene is saturated with them. You don't find out at first. It's kinda embarrassing to explain the reason you got divorced was because you had an affair. But that is reality. Not all of them are bad, but the one you are with doesn't want to be exclusive to you. "I will not share my wife with another man."
CHAPTER 7. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY FOR A CHANGE.
While Your Spouse Decides: "On rough days, refer to what David, a Divorce Busting® family member, taught us about how he won back his wife. He now lives ecstatically ever after."
what did he do?
"I helped her move out by moving all of her stuff downstairs to help her to save money with the moving people. I loaned her money to help her get her new place."
"I gave her space and respected her choice to enter into a relationship with someone else."
"and supported her space, as a single woman"
He moved on with his life.
He doesn't go into what he did for himself. Probably got a new wardrobe, and a new car, went on a few dates with some interesting woman, probably had more than a few with lunatics, losers, and liars. But that's the key get yourself together and be the most attractive thing walking the streets and just be their friend.
