Hanging on, going dark on OM. I miss him, but having this forum is the ONLY reason I'm able to stay dark. Having to withdraw from H and kids too just to get through this.

When we were first engaged, first time H rejected me was shortly after wisdom tooth extraction. Understandable. Then, his mom got cancer (cervical) and only years later did I know how graphically it ate up her lady parts. He was traveling every weekend to take care of her, and I understood.

But the sex just never came back in our lives. In fact, when I got pregnant with D (6 years into our marriage) it was because I was sitting in my office fantasizing about someone else (not a real human) and he saw what I was writing, and we did IT!

When I was pregnant I REALLY craved sex, and that closeness... But nada. In fact, my doctor advised it to bring on labor. Nope, didn't happen.

Now, I admit, I'm a heavier than I'd like... But even after a boob job and tummy tuck post pregnancies ... No sex, even though every other man around was dogging me.

Good girl, as always... frown. So I just stopped caring about my appearance until my college sweetheart came to town 5 years ago. That was tougher to resist, but time and distance helped me regain my senses. (he was my 1st very HOT relationship).

So... I don't know. Maybe my husband picked me because I'm the kind of girl his mother wanted him to marry? I know I'm beautiful, even in my 50's... But maybe just never H's sexual type?