WOW. You have been exactly where I am.

I'm going to have to re-read and digest all that you've said 20 times over!

The only difference is that the OM really didn't pursue me... We were JUST chess partners (one of the mindless ways I fill up my emptiness -- I play many different people with just rare, polite chat "Good Game" that's it). We got to know eachother just as friends, talking every day about our kids. I had a complete fantasy about him which was WRONG -- he's much younger than me...21 years younger!!) but even when we both found out the truth, we still had this strong connection and attraction. I even sent him my photo (UGH, cringing as I type that) to make sure he realized I was older. I felt crazy to hear from him every day... frown. So, so embarrassed to write this...

But, because of the long friendship and daily chess matches... I thought maybe we could just be friends, because he has become so much of my life. When I first started playing chess, uninvited my H to play with me, but he just ignored me (online).

So, it's more than just losing EA, I've lost a friend. It's only been the last month or sk that I actually took it in the wrong direction. Up until then, i didn't have a chemicalor hormone left in my body! (PEA, endorphins, thyroid, adrenals, estrogen WHATEVER... Just like YOU!). I was actually glad EA prompted me to get out of house, walk daily, SMILE, feel something. Up until EA just an effort for me to keep showing up and keeping up with my Mom activities.

So, in a way I'm thankful for EA -- it showed mei still have some life in me, and it's not just medical/hormone problems. I think about sex all the time now!

Realistically, EA was just a fantasy. 32? No way... And, in an ironic twist I think I also hurt OM. He doesn't know I'm with H (because in separate bedrooms he is like my room mate) BUT, his Ex cheated on him so I just feel like BRAKES !!! I'm hurting everybody unless I'm prepared to be a WAW, move across the country and leave my kids/H behind. And in the end, my H is my family... My kids would NEVER forgive me, and I would end up miserable with OM. :(((

Sandi, God sent you to me... Thank you for not judging and being that place I can try to fix all this. You are truly an Angel sent to me.