Coming to an end.

[antlers]

Since mediation, she went back and was able to get the amount of child support increased above what we agreed on at mediation. I now have to pay more child support for my daughter than I did for my son and my daughter. We have joint custody, with me being the 'primary custodian' of my son and her being the 'primary custodian' of my daughter. I contested it and there was a Motion to Interpret/Enforce last Friday. My thoughts on the issue were explained to the Judge and she said "child support is what it is".
I am also responsible for paying the overwhelming majority of my daughter's unreimbursed medical expenses..."it's the law".
And I only get to claim the tax exemption for my son if I jump through the above hoops! If I stay up on the above things then I'll be "awarded" the tax exemption for my son, whom I'm the primary custodian of!
I got hosed.

The Judge set the case for Monday morning, November 8 (my daughter's birthday), for the divorce to be granted. I can... a). appear and object to the divorce
b). or I can appear and sign off on it
c.) or I can not go and she'll sign it without me.

I'm going with option c. I'm gonna be working in the ER Monday morning.

The above issues were "legal issues" according to my attorney...meaning regardless if the case were settled by agreement or by trial, the result would still be the same because "it is the law".

The stuff I've dealt with over the last 2 years has been awful and painful. The heartache of betrayal, the destruction of my family, the destruction of my finances, etc.. I can't imagine a worse life experience...except the death of a child.

[kara]

(((Antlers)))

I know you have had a rough journey. A marriage that has fallen apart is a heart-rending experience. The tearing apart of a family like so much real property is awful. You can divide physical assets but how do you divide children?

All I can say is that I wish you the very best. I hope that you will find unlimited joy and happiness up ahead. You deserve it.

[Gardener]

ant,
Just reading this post hurts. I'm sorry. Wish there were more I could say. Hang in there.

The stuff I've dealt with over the last 2 years has been awful and painful. The heartache of betrayal, the destruction of my family, the destruction of my finances, etc.. I can't imagine a worse life experience...except the death of a child.

Yep.

Peace,

[ImprovedRomeo]

Antlers, I'm so sorry. I can relate to getting emotionally stomped on and then rolled financially. It makes me upset at your XW just reading this. What a cruel, heartless...person. If you don't have to be physically present in court tomorrow then don't go. It's over now and this is the last bit of pain she can put you through. You've made it out alive...perhaps not all great but you still have the most important things; your health, your son, your job and future prospects in life and hopefully your daughters will sooner realize that you're a man of integrity who will live up to his duties and responsibilities no matter how tough the road has been.

Now that you know where you stand (and I know it sucks to have to pay so much) things can only get better from here on out.

Hang in there!

[soleil]

Hey Antlers!

Just checking in on you. Did you go to court today and if not, hear anything from your L? What was the outcome. I hear you on not wanting to go to court--and honestly, if I had the option, I wouldn't either. You and I both ahd court dates today.

Waiting for your update. Hope everything went as well as it could...

((Antlers))

[antlers]

I did not go to Court today, I worked instead. I reckon she signed it without me. I haven't heard anything from anyone as of yet. The outcome was that I got hosed as I mentioned earlier.

I appreciate you checking in on me.

[desert_rat]

I don't quite get why CS was even a topic of mediation. At least here, there's the state guideline, and you can negotiate up, but to go down is going to take some pretty special circumstances. So I would say the mediator did you no favors if you were counting on that. Which of course sets off the whole chain reaction of hosing.

The good thing is that's it's all temporary. It sucks for now, but it will pass.

[antlers]

kara, Gardener, ImprovedRomeo, and soliel...

I appreciate all of your good thoughts. It's been a b!tch of a time. The divorce was to be granted this morning at 0830, so I reckon it was. I haven't heard anything from anyone. I didn't bother going...no need to. I suppose she signed it without me.

Yep, the emotional stomping was a mutha, and so was the financial keelhauling.

[antlers]

Well, they did say it was gonna be a certain amount at mediation, based upon the state formula for calculation. I had no problem with that. Then afterwards, when I went to review the decree, it was a significant amount more that what I was told at mediation. Again, based upon the state formula for calculation. I protested, and the Judge ruled against me...what I was told at mediation did not matter. So now I am paying more child support for one child that I was paying when I had to pay child support for two children. I got BF'd.

I'm an RN. I've worked hard and saved for a long time, for our future. The retirement account that I singlehandedly built up for us, by myself over the years, was destroyed by this divorce. I had to pay her $107,000 straight cash, plus a buttload of child support for my daughter (whom she has custody of) until she's 18. Plus I only get to claim the income tax exemption for my son, whom I have custody of, if I do all of the other financial crap that she demands of me...like paying the overwhelming majority of my daughter's unreimbursed medical/dental expenses.

She had nothing when she came into my life, except a 2 year old daughter whose dad wanted nothing to do with her. I loved and accepted her child as my own. She didn't have a penny to her name. She had a rusted out POS car that she bought for a couple a' hundred bucks.

Over the years we had 2 more children, I bought her 3 new cars over the years (something she had never had in her life), I bought her 2 new homes over the years (something she had never had in her life), and I sent her to college and helped her get her B.A. in Accounting.

She made out like a bandit.

People should not be financially rewarded for cheating, lying, destroying a family, and leaving the kids in a bad way...she was. And people should not be punished for being faithful and honest, and trying to save the family...I was.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Antlers, my goodness the financial similarities between you and me are too much. Same here, I was the saver who single handidly saved for my early retirement as I had dreams I wanted to pursue. All of which are now gone to heck. She was the spender, never had a dime to her name before or during the marriage. I bought her things she never had, I gave her no one else gave her our wonder beautiful DD and my reward for all this is to let her have everything she's legally entitled to which is too friggn' much. Very very upsetting.

I recently did perhaps the most stupidest thing I've ever done, went out and bought a new bike because my old one died. Stupid because it's dangerous but also because of the money. I had so much buyer's remorse until I looked at how much I've spent on the lawyers alone, I could've bought a brand new BMW. Such a waste.

I don't know what I or anyone else can say to make you feel better but I can completely relate. I'm going through the same you're just further along and perhaps that's the silver lining...it's done and over with now.