I have at least once seen the confused look on her face at my posotive reactions.
It's amazing what happens when you agree with your spouse. The other day, W was spewing about how I had never loved her, or given her enough attention.
I replied "You're right. Completely right. I was a horrible husband, I never loved you the way you needed."
The look on her face was absolute confusion. She wanted/expected a fight, and I was agreeing with her!
It's a lot easier to agree most of the time, and arguing simply does no good. Of course you can't agree with everything, but you can sure agree with their feelings.
