So the pity party is long over ... thank God! My PMA is firmly back in place and I’ve been GALing to beat the band. Just got some pics back from the photographer (me and the kids ... something I had been putting off because it was a reminder) and they turned out great - I am so pleased with them (even a couple of me - and I used to hate having my pic taken!). Feel free to check them out on the alt.
H and I have agreed to sit with the MC we were working with back in the spring to discuss any outstanding issues we cannot agree on. First and foremost the amount of exposure the kids are getting to OW. I’ve decided to do a 180 here and pretty much just “shut up” . H said in an email to me the other day that he has been doing a lot of reading of research on the topic and I responded that I was appreciative of the effort he was making and that I knew we were both interested in what was best for the kids. MC used to be the coordinator of the “Positive Parenting from Two Homes” course that we are both signed up to take after Christmas so I’ve decided to just let her put the info out there, listen if he asks questions, respond if asked direct questions but pretty much just ride it out. My kids are not in physical danger and if they feel like Daddy doesn’t spend enough time with them, well, frankly, it’ll be his issue to deal with as it manifests itself in their relationship with him. My focus is going to be on providing them with a very open, communicative and stable environment at our house.
One question for y’all ... any ideas on any other topics, if any at all, I might want to bring up at this meeting since we have the benefit of the objective third party? Quite honestly, we seem to be doing a very good job of communicating re financials and scheduling ... we haven’t talked about the holidays yet, but if we stay true to form I can’t imagine having much trouble working it out.
Had H’s two older sisters and their daughters over for supper last week. It was really nice as I hadn’t chatted with them in a while. They are both incredibly supportive of the work I’ve done and in me moving forward with my life. After SIL1 left, SIL2 and I continued to chat and got a little more indepth about personal growth, mirror work etc. She is facinated by all of it, having done a lot herself in the last 10 years.
When H and I spoke briefly last week about the “amount of exposure” issue, at one point he turned to me and with a dejected look on his face said “I just want to live my life” ... and at that point I was reminded of the pain he is feeling on the inside. He is desperately trying to build his happiness and he is obviously still searching for it. Not that it changes what I am doing or why, but it did help me to resurrect the compassion I had for H ... I think that his “apparent” happiness had distracted me. So, compassion and understanding back in place along with PMA and all is well
Interesting side note: Spoke to a friend today who got a call last night from her girlfriend, we’ll call her D. D works for the same company as OW’s friend K. So K was having a chat at work about OW and H which D overheard, and at first didn’t pay much attention to. As she caught the details she realized that although she didn’t know me, the sitch was familiar (PEI is a small place!) ... anyway ... to make a long story short OW’s friend K was talking about how OW has basically cut off all her friends and now OW and K are not even on good terms because K was friendly to me. OW had a hissy fit when she found out that K was considering hopping in with me when I drove to Boston a few weeks ago to catch my flight to LIVE LF. It’s nice to not feel emotionally attached to any of that, and also reminded me that the appearance of happiness is not necessarily the existence of happiness and I need to be watchful for any effect that stress might be having on my kids.
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
. H said in an email to me the other day that he has been doing a lot of reading of research on the topic and I responded that I was appreciative of the effort he was making and that I knew we were both interested in what was best for the kids. MC used to be the coordinator of the “Positive Parenting from Two Homes” course that we are both signed up to take after Christmas so I’ve decided to just let her put the info out there, listen if he asks questions, respond if asked direct questions but pretty much just ride it out. My kids are not in physical danger and if they feel like Daddy doesn’t spend enough time with them, well, frankly, it’ll be his issue to deal with as it manifests itself in their relationship with him. My focus is going to be on providing them with a very open, communicative and stable environment at our house.
