Should I Tell Her To Move Back.....?

[Kimmie Lee]

I read that WAW post awhile back. I never knew it was about you, Gr8! When I read that, I identified with it a LOT.

I think your response is great. You are owning what you did... it takes a real man to do that, to admit to his contribuation to the way things ended up. And she would also need to admit her half, too.

[quote=gr8 day 2B alive]Last week I gave her the "I can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with me speech"

The "dusty old heart box" letter is not about gr8

[soleil]

Oh I see.....

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Sol,
That wasn't my W. I just showed it to her so she would know I unstand how she felt.

I just spoke to W. I gave her a call and we spoke for over an hour.

My gut feeling was that she needs to see something from me.
I wasn't going to proceed with the wait and see technique.

I called her to suggest we go to MC. Her reply was~ It would be needed if we choose to go that route. OK, she's still uncertain.

Some key points of the convo were:

She still thinks I'm playing games. Said I would do some nice things then do some mean things. I didn't argue. That's her perception.
Her parents now, who were supporters of R, are now telling her she should move on. W showed her mom the email from me stating I
could be with someone who doesn;t want to be with me.
Her mom said I was playing games with that email. ????
Her mom also mentioed she should goto MC so she could have peace of mind that she tried everything


W did bring up the past again. I just listened, really listened hard.

I then spoke about what I wanted in a R, ~ M. I told her I will be a supportive partner. Told her I wasn't going to sit back, I was going to lead us through this horrible time. Told her of some past times she made me happy and that I wanted more of that.
I mentioned I called her today b/c I wanted to make sure I tried EVERYTHING to save the M so I wouldn't have regrets. I ended by asking her if anything I said was unclear. She said no.

She paused for a few moments and then said.............

[soleil]

and said what????

[gr8 day 2B alive]

.........And asked- what is the first step to make this work?

Finally, effing finally. Her wall is coming down. Maybe she needed to hear I was going to guide us through this mess and that I WILL be there for her emtionally and phyically.


I paused a few moments and said~ The first step would be a committment to do the work, and the understanding that this will be more difficult than when she decided to leave.

I asked her to think about it and when she decides, to just simply say. "Im ready"

That's where we are now.

[gutwrenching]

BRAVO!

And I loved your response of "commitment" and understanding how difficult it will be...and it will be difficult!

Well done!
Makes this Monday not seem so bad!

[soleil]

Finally, effing finally.

LOL! Finally, indeed! And way to go w/ the suspense you had there!

So what is going to happen? You going to schedule up some MC sessions? I say, send her some flowers today or tomorrow w/ a note saying you are committed to your marriage. Add something about why you married her, fell in love with her.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks gut,

Now I need to show her more of the "nice" things again.

Some little sweet nothings here and there. Not over the top.

I know she wants some little signs of affection. She didn't want to come out and say it.....if she did so it would cheapen the thought.

I finally feel she may want to R. She just wants me to take control and guide us through it.

Still one day at a time.

[gutwrenching]

Two key things you said that you need to remind yourself of:
- not over the top on the sweet things
- one day at a time

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I will send the flowers. A small note too.

We'll see how it goes.