MLC or not?

[25yearsmlc]

GF,

I understand there's a lot of value to some of what Rejoice minstries says but it does not fit all situations NOR do they claim to. They don't support staying and praying about an abuser, for instance. They don't advocate merely praying and praying and waiting or standing still. Don't be confused by their urge to have faith, and think that conflicts with DB advice.

Here's how I looked at it. For me, rejoice ministries meant it's fine to have hope. But the prayers were NOT for specific "shopping list" to God. We can't impose that on Him. The prayers I prayed were for God to give me strength to face whatever may come, and that HIS will be done, that I rise to meet any challenge, and essentially it was the Serenity prayer. I felt that was the message from rejoice minstries AND a lot about forgiveness, which I think is mandatory no matter what happens to our M's.

I do not think God wants ALL marriages to be saved (unless the abuser completely changes I suppose). See my point? He wants us to be happy and that means keeping commitments WHEN WE CAN...even though it takes two to make a marriage work, sometimes it really only takes one to end it. And there are times you cannot do much about it, or at least there are times you get to the point that THEN AND THERE, there's not a lot left for one person to do. Sometimes things have gone too far for too long and then what God wants, I assume, and hope, is for us to create new lives for ourselves. I doubt he wants us to watch our exes remarry and have a new family and still pray each night for their return and do nothing else in our lives. Do you think that's what rejoicers are suggesting? I really don't.

SOME people look to rejoice minstries as a way to pray and do nothing else.
Don't fall into that trap. Some people actually blame RejMin for their confusion about what to do or not do--(not saying you are, but you might if you don't watch it.) I don't see the two approaches as that different but IF THEY ARE IN CONFLICT TO YOU, then you'll have to choose one. Can't chase 2 rabbits at the same time, etc.

Are you getting help for the clinical depression? Do you see that aside from getting good counseling (and there's a sliding scale for it in every state so there's no way someone cannot "afford it") although granted, you might get your first choice.

But aside from real treatment, as far as how you "act" in front of your h, you must not let him see all the pain. For one, guilt will backfire, as you already know. Second, it's unattractive. Third, and perhaps most important, "faking it til you make it" DOES work some.

Just being more cheerful, more polite too, more friendly, forcing yourself to see the upside of things Actually makes one feel better. And it ALSO tends to bring more positives into your life. Like reaching out to someone often brings out more people reaching out to you. We get out of life, what we put into it.

You can do this GF. Really.
j