The difference 3 months has made in my life

[TAMF]

Had a great birthday weekend. H and I spent a lot of time together. we went to our Ds swim meet together on Saturday - first time he was around that group of friends since the bomb dropped. He was nervous, especially because we are not back together. Everyone was very nice and treated him like normal. He stuck next to me like glue. After the meet we went hiking. He is still in his phase of what I call, "stillness". If he doesn't move one way or another nothing happens and he doesn't have to hurt anyone or cause himself more anxiety. I told him that he has so much weight on his shoulders and that he needs to fix himself and his family issues before we could even consider working on our relationship. I asked him if he would think about going to a counselor just for him - not us. He said that he didn't know, he had never really thought of himself as a guy that would spill his guts to a stranger, but maybe.

Saturday night I had a birthday party for our friend - my H had been invited separately so that he knew he could come. He knew I was going to go. He text me while I was there and said he was in the parking lot and was thinking about coming in for one drink, but didn't want to go in unless I was there. He came in and stayed next to me the whole time. Bunch of guys he works with came up to talk to him. They are friends with my dad, so I didn't know how that would go. but it was all good.

He drove me home from the party and the girls were spending the night with a friend - so I was alone. We had both decided that we were not going to have sex again unless we got back together. So we kissed lightly and said goodnight.

The next day was my birthday and he called me in the morning wanting to see me to give me a birthday hug. I was already out and about with my mom and not home, so I didn't see him. He didn't call or text for the rest of the day or night. I thought that he had withdrawn again. Which is okay - he has a lot to think about and work on.

Got a text first thing this morning that said:

Sorry about yesterday. left my phone at (friend's name)& couldn't find it til later last night. we tied a good one on last night. Hope you had a good bday.

Didn't reply to his email until about 10:30am. Just said he didn't have anything to apologize for - no problem.

I am worried that even though the time he has been spending with me is because HE wants to - not because I ask - it might be overwhelming him. stressing him out that he feels he has to make a choice between the OW and me. I don't ever say anything, but the feeling is there all the same.

It is hard to detach. So hard to detach. I FEEL like he is making so much progress...but I am trying keep my distance so I don't get hurt again. ARGGGGG! so hard.

Meanwhile, I have a smile on my face...happiness in my thoughts! It has been a great weekend and a happy Monday!