Sandi's Place

[gutwrenching]

Sandi,
Great insight again. It does help again. I had to re-read this again as we had a rough weekend. Some tough times and a massive fight and during the massive fight tears over her feelings for him. She is struggling right now. She says she knows what we have should be enough and she feels loved the way she always wanted too, but just can't get rid of those initial spark feelings for OM and she says it is crazy for her to feel this way, but...

You know as well as I that she owes the OM no apologies whatsoever! I hope this part will be short-term. Maybe it's b/c she feels that it's her fault for his D? Just keep trying to make her see that an A does not have to have closure, the way I've read about some WAW's, but it does have to have an immediate hault. Remind her that it would be disrespectful toward her H if she were to send some sort of "I'm sorry" email to OM. You can see how she's not thinking clearly b/c she's giving to much "importance" to OM. You are in the tough position of being very careful in how you state these things to her!

It is tough. I did re-iterate that if she contacted OM that I suspect we would headed down a path of not being able to recover from. She asked why and I said for 2 reasons: one it will just feed those feelings you are having now and likely result in increased feelings and communication...and secondly because it would be so disrespectful to me. I don't know how else to handle this one. I try listening and validating despite feeling like I'm being punched in the gut hearing this, but as I told her this weekend, she needs to deal with this issue and better for me to feel like crap hearing it than her deciding she needs to discuss these feelings with OM.

So, we are at a critical juncture. Not only is she dealing with all this but in one week, she has a business trip. First time we have been apart more than a day since we started piecing...