He called me twice yesterday, just to talk. The second time I told him again that I plan to keep both dogs. He said that's fine. Then I started in on him about why he was so deceitful, why couldn't he just be forthright with me, why did he have that OW coming into our house. He told me he was done, he was packing up my things and would ship them up here. He said I have never been happy with him and he couldn't take the craziness any longer. I said fine, let's not speak for the next three weeks. Both of us are just reacting with emotions, let's cool off and think about what we really want. He is going to come up here and talk to me in person in three weeks. I don't think anything will change, but I plan to lay some boundaries: 1) I want you in my life as my H. If you want to have a life with me and the dogs, you will give me access to your phone records, email, FB etc, and agree to have no contact with OW. 2) You will agree to us spending two weekends a month together while you are still in school. 3) You will attend MC with me, and we will do a weekend MC course over Christmas.
I doubt very much he will agree to any of these stipulations, so I am on the lookout for my own apartment.
For the first time in seven months, I feel in control, and it feels GOOD. I am scared still, but it's better than feeling hopeless. I'm getting my finances in order, budgeting and thinking about ME first this time. I'm not scared to be alone, because being alone is better than being treated like garbage. I have a lot to offer someone and maybe in a few years someone will come along, but I'm not on the lookout. I miss his family terribly and it's heartbreaking to think I won't spend Christmas with them. It's heartbreaking to know that we probably won't ever have a family together, like I had always dreamed. So surprising how drastically people can change. I even said that to him, I miss the old H. I know I made mistakes, I know I wasn't patient, I was resentful, inconsiderate. But I have done a lot of work on myself to change that, I felt like I was making strides. Learning of the A set me back, and I did unleash my fury on him :-)
To all the newbies on here, the sooner you stand up for yourself, the better. However, no amount of advice is going to make you do it, honestly, it's a personal journey and you'll know when you're ready. There comes a point where you realize that ANYTHING is better than your present situation. Even a dumpy one bedroom apartment with very little furniture and two smelly dogs. It might be gross, but it will be MINE and I will have my self worth and self esteem, which is worth a lot more than a fancy condo, nice car, plasma TV and a kitchen aid mixer.
Good luck to all...I'll keep you guys posted on my sitch, but I'm certain it's headed toward the big D.
