For the most part I am able to function. I get to work, might not be on time, but I do get there. I make sure DS gets his homework done, has dinner, etc. I bathe regularly and do laundry weekly. Sure, the place gets cluttered but I don't have piles of rotting food all over. It's just clean clothes (I hate folding laundry) and DS's toys everywhere.
I have been trying to do more things. Took DS trick or treating last weekend, did some grocery shopping. But yes, for the most part I'm not interested in doing too much outside the home.
Weekends are the worst. I don't have work to distract me and am left to my own thoughts, not a happy place to be.
Everyone tells me "Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that" but I don't know how I am supposed to do or not do anything. H is all I know, without him I feel so completely lost and alone.
My system is already out of whack when it comes to anxiety levels, I had such high anxiety levels as a kid from my step-father being mean to me and all the bullies at school my brain does think the heightened anxiety levels are normal. Thing is I don't feel anxious, just perpetually heavy sadness with random flickers of lightness. I may have a day or two where I'm not completely down, but they don't last long.
You don't "know how?" Posters here have been advising "how" but you just keep talking them out of it.
You can't live in a dream about how you would like things to be, you have to live with the reality of what is now.
