Then the other man is disrespecting his M as well. Many men use the "married, but not happily" as their tool in A's. It's like giving your W a pass to not feel guilty about breaking up his home.....since it wasn't a happy M anyway. Then if your W leaves her family in order to be with OM, he can use the fact that he's M and can't lose his kids.
Your W has told you that it's friendship on her side but that OM has made it clear he is interested sexually. That is a red flag and I don't believe a woman would pursue a so-called friendship when she knows the OM wants sex from her if she was on the up and up. She is getting a thrill from it, you can bet on that. It feeds her ego to know this OM is wants her.
I would not ask any more questions. I would tell her that it makes you feel dishonored for her to continue contacting a M man who has been clear about his intentions. This is no game she's playing.....it is her M and family at stake. (Sorry, I can't remember if you have children or not.)
If she is willing to break contact with OM and work to get the M back on track, then she should be willing to be transparent with any emails & TM and the passwords. If she isn't and says that you're controling and she needs her privacy......then be ready to tell her that you will therefore contact your lawyer.
Unless you want to continue with the ways things stand now. But if she isn't concerned about losing something......she will continue to feed the EA and it will get worse.
Again, do not reveal how you know any information about their TM.
The reason I said for you not to leave the house is b/c you are not the one who is having an A. If you have children, then you need to keep them there with you and be the very best dad you can be. If your W throws a fit about not contacting OM then you can tell her she has two weeks to find another place to stay and that you will help her pack.
If she needs money, then she can contact her lover and see how fast he wants to support her. If she starts putting pressure on him, then the EA will likely come to a hault. But as long as she can stay home and enjoy all the benefits there while she's having an EA, it could on for a long time.
But it's up to you how you handle it. I'm not putting any pressure on you. I'm just giving one example.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
