I have settled well into my new home, the toddlers took quite a bit to adjust but are used to it now. H has his own place and has been taking toddlers on a regular basis. The first couple of months I was in the new city, H cycled back towards me quite a lot. I then found out OW had got a work contract at the same place as H, and they were travelling for work together quite a bit. He seemed quite happy to have a solution where he could compartmentalise his separate lives. So I gently laid down intimacy boundaries between us. He started to bring OW around his place when he had the toddlers, which I found very difficult to deal with. I asked him not to do bring toddlers around OW at all, and to my surprise, he agreed. A week later he lost his job, so now works at a different place. I suspect the dynamics of when he sees OW will be changing, and my request might well be tested again.
Our legal paperwork has been drawn up but not yet lodged. When H was travelling with OW, the last thing he would request before travelling was for paperwork to be completed. Now he travels alone, that request has stopped, and he has been sitting on the paperwork for a couple of months. He has still verbally given absolutely no indication that he is interested in returning (well maybe in 5 years!). I believe he thinks way too much damage has been done. We are very relaxed around each other; he comes over to my place for toddler handovers and happily hangs out, doing odd jobs without being asked, so the friendship thing is developed as much as it can be.
The impacts of replay have been catching up with him hard, and this has caused major depression in the last few months, although after a couple of weeks, he bounces out of it and the cycle continues. He is accepting responsibility for the impact of his full replay actions, rather than it being the fault of the person who sent him the bill etc. He is being more realistic of his history, a few months ago he thought it was the best thing his parents got divorced, and it did not impact him at all. Now he admits it had a major impact on him and his siblings. He says this crisis is not my fault, it is him. But while OW remains, I feel he will stay on his chosen path and not really consider turning back. I think the OW and him still have some distance to go, so I get to just sit back and chill in my little world.
I am doing so much better. I am sleeping very well, which has made a huge difference. I have stepped back emotionally from all the H and me stuff, I still have emotions about being separated from toddlers, but can deal with it better. I have started working again a couple of days a week in my old profession, and am absolutely loving doing that, and it is a great job as well. Having almost financial independence again is a great feeling. I am making more friends and going out more. Of course I still have my down days like everyone, but bounce back much better from these.
