I think you mostly have it right here...no, don't ignore her texts completely but just use discretion as to how often you talk to her about anything other than the kids or stuff you HAVE to talk about. If she by habit calls right after the kids get on the bus to talk about the kids, then answer that. But I would not get into any discussions about the R, or tell her to text you if she wants to talk about it. If you do that, and she ends up not texting or calling you, you'll probably be disappointed.
If she really wants to talk about things, she will on her own...it's not like she'll be gun shy about it because you didn't let her know you'd be open to discussing it. I know it feels like everything is in your hands to fix, and every decision you make will have effects to your relationship at this point, but it doesn't. In other words, saying or not saying anything like you asked above is not going to make or break things.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
So in essence don't make first contact but don't ignore her incoming calls/txt normally I am like a gunslinger answering maybe I should let some goto vm that I suppose would be a 180. Thanks for the response I at least want to give this my all at least then if it doesn't work I know I did all I could.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Sure you do. We all do, or did at one time. That's the key thing here...it is really a battle against yourself rather than a battle against her right now. You want to know you did all you could, BUT, there is a difference between doing all you can that is intuitive to you and all you can that that feels weird. Right now, it feels weird not to tell her "Hey, if you want to talk about the R, text me" because you probably think she'll think you don't care.
But weigh this out here, she is leaving you AND the kids for a week to find space, and yet you still are stuck heavily on worrying about what she'll think of you if you don't say this. She's not worried about what YOU think of her going away for this week, not to mention how she wasn't worried about you during the "confirmed A" portion of your situation.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
Good points thanks, I would like to think she just wasn't thinking at all during the A but anyways I am already noticing some"baby steps" with my 180s I am taking them. Lightly I'm at the emotional point that I can handle not initiating contact and avavoiding R talk.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
So are these baby steps? For the first time in a long time she responded thank you when I said have a good day at work via txt responding to her txt. And at the end of the shift she txt'd to let me know she was got out late not abnormal for her job. We are talking like normal people again I am puposely avoiding R talk and she is freely talking about regular things the ultimate angry look seems to be gone at the moment. We r about 6 weeks past bomb dropped on me and I think 5 since OM told her it was all done. Almost done reading DR picking up DB today
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Well, at least things are more cordial. All I think you can hope for right now is for things to be cordial, and for you both to at least be on the same side, if you will, as friends more or less. Try not to get too up or too down with anything. She can surprise you at any moment positively or negatively, so just try to be as independently happy as you can be, again for YOU.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
Thats a goal, actually don't need to do it for me but for my kids because when they are good i am and so i guess that is for me. My expectations when she returns....more of the same anything improved will be a bonus.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Seeking more input, seeing how the end of an affair is also viewed as grieving. And it is sensitive R material. Should i leave alone the fact of knowing one text message went between them so as to not reveal my source? And at a later date ask the question again about any contact? If I keep it to myself I can continue to monitor the situation.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
