how long do you do no contact?

[MrBond]

"What am i closing my eyes to?"

You are closing your eyes to why your H isn't coming back. It's not because he's stubborn or proud. It's because he's not attracted to the way you are now.

I'm sure you not trusting him was a big problem, but you're still doing that. Have you worked on your trust issues? Have you worked on what it was that made you attractive to him before?

You never did answer the questions I asked above:
Have you tried making yourself more desirable in the way that he wants? Have you been condemning or accepting? What have you done to show you're different? Or will you stay the same?

Answer those questions and things will start getting better. But start being honest with yourself first. Why would he want to come back to you?