My partner and I do not live together, by choice. We do spend the majority of the week together.
We reunited 5 weeks ago after about a 5 month break from which neither of us expected a recovery. It is surprising, good, healthy and much better than our past attempts at relationship.
However, we have struggled with sex from the beginning (3.5 yrs) and we went away together this weekend...and there was no sex or attempts at such. Still.
There has been progress...increase in touch, in real kisses, in eye contact and strong expressions of love. I did my best to express these things back and to stay open and loving despite my profound disappointment.
Tonight, when she went home, I just felt sad and I know that the only people in the world who will get this are my HD DB friends.
If our LD partners only knew the depth of our despair-that it isn't about getting off, about power or control or winning but a deep-seated need for connection and acknowledgment that we have truly emotionally touched our partners, I think they'd see us (and sex) in a whole new light.
I'm just sad. I'm trying to be patient, as I've tried to be for years. I feel more hope (and foolish for it) than I ever have. But this weekend set me back.
I need words of encouragement to remain patient, to focus on the positive. I am DEEPLY loved by her. Of this I have no doubt. But I'm afraid.
