John, I went back and read your entire thread from the beginning... WHEW! Speaking as a potential WAW, in my 2nd EA (I decided when it started up it was a sign of a problem, and was led here by SSM) --- There are just SO many opportunities and situations here that from the perspective of a WAW, I think were saying she wanted you -- in the biblical sense!
A girl doesn't do a panty show, have you wax her, etc. If she doesn't want sex. I KNOW she said there would be none -- but, for future reference... Say "Baby, I'd love to wax you... But I can't do that without it going someplace. I love your body, and that's too much of you to ask of me."
Now I don't know if all these opportunities are in the past, but my H is also a Daddy to me. If somewhere along the line he told me " I want a marriage with a healthy sex life" and we dealt with me feeling lonely in concrete ways (help me make a plan), then I don't think I would have gone online and fell into EA.
(sorry for typos...doing this on my phone)
Honestly, to me, the EA builds my confidence, makes me feel beautiful after just being a housewife all day. Until I came here I thought of it as a woman's version of porn. I am a super SSW!! and can't understand why husband doesn't pursue me like other man do, but literally is willing to bend over backwards for me over the years. He works ALOT, is on the computer ALOT, is always there for the kids, is great about housework, cooking, and errands. I'd trade all of that for sex and the intimacy. I feel alone, and now angry for all the years I've stayed in otherwise good M, mostly for my kids. I like my husband (except for certain gross guy stuff), he used to be my best friend, and I feel like I gave up career and family for his career moves over the years... Now, am I too old to GAL...?
Isn't it interesting how many of the issues are the same whether you are the WAS or the LBS?? Sometimes it's hard to really shake things up enough to get your H's to change... And like your wife says... Will they stick? Hmmm... So sad to do all this work to make your spouse a better person for the NEXT partner. John, in your case... I for one think your W loves you and the EAs were an attempt to fill a void -- I honestly didn't think of my flirtations as EAs until I came here. John -- you guys are SO young! It's too bad you couldn't 't have had educational pre-marital or post-marital counseling on communication skills etc. without the desperate circumstances:(. That is one thing my H and I benefited from during the 1st year of our marriage.
I relate to so many of your wife's issues... Pregnancies (unplanned), childbirth, relocations, husband gone all the time, caring for a young child and trying to work some education and career into that for yourself is exhausting. I hope you can both get past all the anger/distrust and grow up together. Many of the posters on here seem very jaded and seem to always assume the worst of your W to me -- (as in calling the L). I guess they haven't raised a 4 year old little boy 12-14 hours a day!!!
To me your wife sounds insecure, lonely, frustrated and was seeking a way to fill the emptiness that developed with your golf binge -- she should have learned to play with you, or picked up a hobby with some friends, but Oops... Bad choice! Seems like she missed all that sex from your Gift Card?
I love the interest in me as a WOMAN (not Daddy's little girl to be taken care of) -- BUT, deep down I know the OM can't hold a candle to man my husband is, and the LOVER he could be to me. I started feeling rejected by my H very early in the marriage sexually, so I'm not comfortable initiating sex(at this point we're in separate rooms, partially due to kid/health issues but I continued it for years once I lost attraction).
