Dating and surviving

[flowmom]

I guess I am not a believer in formulas for when you're ready to date. I was bombed on Dec 22, 2009 and it was a total surprise (not the marriage problems, but how serious it was) and sTBxh moved out on Jan 3, 2010. Yet I was ready to date when I went on my first date on Aug 12, 2010. A guy who I dated exclusively for 5 weeks said he was amazed at how "advanced" I was in my progress and dealing with the separation in spite of his initial scepticism. I would say that he has a lot more baggage than me, and he's been separated for 3 years and just got formally D.

I had made a lot of progress in letting go of stbxh before dating, but dating did help to "break the spell" that being together for 18 years and seeing him as my mate for life held over me. I had trouble imagining being attracted to other men, etc.

I think the important things is to listen to yourself, deal with your stuff, and stay in the present. That means being able to let go of the past and not let it control you. That also means being able to be with a person and recognize your thoughts and feelings and reactions without fast-forwarding to the future, just paying attention to NOW.