I'm sincerely asking. Not trying to bash you but am honestly curious.
the reason why i didn't respond to you is because i don't know how to respond to you.
everything i post, you take as a defensive response. and i feel that you attack me in your posts. it is not helpful to me. i think you could be a resourceful person but i don't get the feeling you really want to help me. you want me off this board because i'm taking up diskspace or something. i'm not posting on newcomers where people need help the most. i'm off on the "separated" forum where there is less activity.
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Who says? That's you using an easy explanation but I don't buy it. I'm a middle child of sorts (6 of 10), and we have a middle child and MOST middle children don't talk the way you are talking. It's an excuse you are using, again, to avoid deeper searching.
this is what i mean by not helpful. if you can see that i'm not getting it .. why don't you try and ask the right questions to guide me towards "deeper searching" because after so many posts, it's quite obvious i don't know what questions i need to answer in order to achieve that "deeper searching". instead, you simply accuse me of avoiding.
you want me to expand on my past but when i do, you tell me that it's not relevant NOW. so i have no idea what you want from me.
all you say to me is "you're wrong" and that's it. it is not helpful to me. ok. i'm wrong .. so how do i make it right?
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It's the dodging and surface analysis that frustrates me b/c I think you are cognitively capable of more.
i don't know how to tap into the "deeper searching". sometimes you can guide me there by asking the right question. there is a way to get beyond the surface analysis - by creating trust and asking the right questions. i know nothing about you. why would i trust you with my sitch?
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How do you "know" any of this, given the NC?
h wrote a long letter about why felt the process was unfair and why he should be getting what he wants, etc. much of it would not hold up in court, but there was a lot of hostility in his letter.
the word should not affect me but it still does. we are in NC but when i read his response, it is as if he is saying those things to me. this is what i meant about my LL being words of affirmation.
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While no one wants to "abandon" you, there are people here really looking for advice to use in their situations. Do you see yourself as one of those, truly?
well, at the risk of being called negative or expecting the worst and that's what you'll get..
i'm not sure what kind of advice i need. my sitch is at the point where the SA is being negotiated and after that, i expect to be served d papers.
i just wanted to give lauraoh and forrest an update because they have followed my thread from day 1. i owe it to them to let them know how my sitch is progressing or ending.
the last paragraph about the LLs is something that i learned early in my sitch. i had mentioned it in one of my earliest posts. and it was like a breakthrough for me. but i think i'm wrong about my original LL.
i would definitely like to get some help on peeling the onion. my ic sessions are for short term. we focus on getting through the grieving process and letting go. i've been told to meditate so i can focus ..
if your strength is in saving a marriage. this one isn't salvageable. catastrophisizing? my h is angry that i have taken steps to protect myself. he was hoping i wouldn't and just agree to whatever he wanted. but i didn't and because of that, he wants me out of his life as soon as possible. before money came into the d picture, he said that we had a bond that nobody understood. after we started to discuss splitting up our finances, then the bond disappeared.
if you are truly trying to help me become a better person, then i will work with you.
