I've only just begun!

[sandycay]

Time for an update I suppose since I will be coming up on the anniversary of EXH walking out for a 2nd time and me filing. November 9th is the date but finally dates don't matter anymore.

I remember when they did and I dreaded it. I really hadn't even thought about it until matchguy and I talked about how long we had been divorced and such and then it dawned on me the date was coming up.

So, EXH surfaced at a soccer game for D and seemed nice and his normal self. It started raining and I had a big umbrella and he had none,so I was inclined to tell him he was welcome to stand under mine and I didn't think he would burst into flames or anything... he laughed and moved under it. At one point he was talking to me and slipped and called me "honey" which was his pet name for me..... I just let it ride and then he realized what he said and I think it surprised him. Anyway, we both had a good laugh at that. I had told D i would take her to lunch after game and since she has only seen her D once since June he got asked to join us. We drove to lunch place had a nice lunch a few laughs and seemed like it always had and did. Pre-bomb.

As we left he said "see ya tomorrow" she had another soccer game...but he was a no-show, no call.... so I did text him the score the next day....no reply, I honestly was worried cause he doesn't say I will be there and then not... so I called around 10 that night both phones no answer, this next day I sent a text "are you alive" I was concerned at that point.... and then he came back with he got short noticed to work, phone was dead blah blah blah.... wha the should have said was I was to invovled in kitty cats to bother with my daughter.... but he chose to lie. It didn't matter, I just want him to not disappoint her anymore.

Since then he has been in very little communicaiton to her... she has opened the door for him and yet he text infrequently and calls infrequently.... I wish he would have more effort.

I have joined match and dipping a toe into the casual dating world...but I have very little time anyway but it's nice to have some adult conversation out of it.... but the weirdos really do hang out in those places.... 1200 profiles deleted already.

I don't know if my profile is lame or what.... I've had 1113 views but only a handful of interest. I was pondering to a friend about this because she asked me "do men talk to you when your out, like grocery store, different places?" I said, "no, not really" When I've gone out with friends...it's men younger than me that approach me to talk. I look around and with woman in my age range... I'm not half bad, I'm healthy, normal weight range, I think I have a decent enough personality. So, I wonder if men have a hard time like I do on match.... wondering if we are on the same "playing field". What I mean by that is I have had 65 year old men with numerous health problems try to email me to meet for lunch.... we are not on the same playing field... you know what I mean? I don't know if I am making sense.... Sometimes I wonder when I view a man's profile am I in his league of dating material and when I am unsure and don't look at it again. It's hard to gauge that through photographs. My friend suggested that maybe I come across as to intimidating. So guys, how does a girl not come across like that?

FFG wanted to come over the day before halloween and give me something from him and his daughter and maybe take my D for the night to go to a Halloween party. I had to write him an email and tell him why this was no good for any of us. I still have a drill of his that he was asking about and told him i would leave it on the porch for him to pickup but then all the sudden he was in no hurry to get it.... so here it sits. I just wasnt' not ready to see the little girl.... I love the kids so much but I couldnt' trust myself not to cry, so I could not do it. If my D is going to spend time with his D, I think I will arrange it through his EXW as to not confuse my D by being around him. She loves/ed him and I think it's better that way.