Reality was we had changed. We changed from the girl they fell in love with to someone else. I, for one, am very much guilty of this. I had become complacent and cocky about my marriage. I stopped working on it and us. I failed to nurture my marriage to the extent that my H felt neglected by me.
I opened the door he flew out of....
I think for those of us (you, me and Cas included)who have been married for such a long time this is what happens. I don't think we mean for it to, however it does. This doesn't mean it is all our fault. Our H's also grew complacent and cocky. The difference to me is that we were much stronger and less vulnerable than they were at the time this happened. We underestimated their needs. At the time of the MLC trigger, we were completely unaware the effect it had on our H's. This is not because we are cold and without heart, it was because we had issues of our own we were dealing with. You could say selfishness had crept in on both sides.
So...our H's go out one day/night without our presence and low and behold some trollop throws herself at him and we all know the rest of the story......
Mine also left me for someone totally opposite in appearance and character from me. Age was not a factor in my case but the differences are huge.
After the bomb drop, I took the time to open my eyes and analyze exactly what the problems were with us. I was able to see my role in the breakdown of the marriage.
My H spent 3 years of this ordeal running from me and criticizing me at every opportunity. He has spent the last two re-creating a friendship with me. Albeit it has been a "slow progress road to hoe". The changes are obvious.
I realize we are in a divorce at present. I am going to DB right to the bitter end. I am hopeful that by "letting go" we can both turn a new leaf and realize what truly matters in our lives and begin to protect and save what is precious and important to us.
Yes, I do believe that if we become "THE WOMAN ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE" it opens their eyes to the truth and reality. I do believe that it buys us time for possibilities that otherwise would not happen.
None of us would be here if we thought our marriages and families were disposable.
Together we can find a way to survive...
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
