It'a All About Me

[Sanderika]

Thank you so much Cas,

I appreciate your support. I too was wondering if H created a circumstance which took him away from the drama and out of the picture.

I've given your thoughts a lot of thought myself. Maybe H is going to let me take the lead throughout. I really don't want that burden. I want H to take responsibility for his actions.

My H is in denial for sure. In our conversations and face to face contact he is complacent and casual. He behaves like he is my friend and that the marriage is not in a dire state. Yesterday he was talking to me about how to invest some of our money. I mean, seriously here....what is he thinking?

Today he is supposed to retrieve S again to spend today with him as well. Two more points of contact with me, I am going to act "as if" since it seems to be working well.

You know Cas, you and I are in relatively similar places with our H's. Mine acts very similar to yours in conversations and requires "kid glove" treatment so as not to touch a nerve as well. Mine will answer the phone when I call (it's almost never but I have called once or twice...this has been the case since about 6 months ago).

My thoughts today.....

This is actually uncharted water for each of us. We really do not know or understand the next phase. We are quite clever and seasoned as to how to treat our H's and the MLC symptoms we have seen over the past 5 years.

My fear is that while our H's don't want to get too far away from us they also do not want to re-commit to us/family. This tells me that they are working on the outside to create good/great friendships with us and no more.

My fear tells me that they are happy with us at arms length and keep up the attitude so as not to give us false hopes that there is more going on.

I keep thinking about the phrase 25yearsMLC using frequently:

BE THE WOMAN ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE

I am trying to be that woman. I think you are trying to be that woman. Is our behavior creating this limbo/lingering behavior in our H's? If so, where is this path taking us in the end?

Early in my sitch, I learned that if I was the woman he fell in love with he wouldn't actually be able leave me. I adopted the mantra: "How can he leave me if he likes me and loves me again?" In fact I have posted this thought many times. I went to work and changed back to that girl. The result is that H is unable to actually leave me. Where does that take us?

Cas, what do we do now with this? I really don't know? I feel you are in the same place. We have to learn what happens next and what is happening to them. We have to be able to navigate through this with grace and reason and maturity.

I do not think either of our marriages are actually over (yet)?!?!

I think we can figure this out, I still think it's worth working on and fighting for....I plan on it anyway because.....it isn't over til it's over.

((((Hugs))))

Sanderika