I realize that your wife thinks she is being consistent, but she is not. She wanted you to move out until you decided that you would. Then she didn't want you to move out and argued that it was wasting money. Now that you've decided to stay, she wants you to move and says that you are torturing her with your presence. There are many things wrong with this.
First of all, it is rude. Whether by marriage or birth, you are family. One can't just kick people out of the family. But imagine that you aren't family, you are two people who agreed to share a house. What is the appropriate way to treat the other person who shares the house? Certainly she would not be saying this stuff to a roommate who was paying his share of the bills. She shouldn't say it to you, either. You have a legal right to live in that house, and rudeness is bad manners.
Secondly, it is she who keeps the relationship strained. You have offered to go to counseling and retrouvaille. Either, or both, would improve the way you relate to each other. But she steadfastly refuses to try to relate better.
Happiness is a state of mind. If you want to be happy, change your mind. She is a prisoner of her choices, not yours.
