WAW Using God III

[pigskin]

Journaling:

Well, W came over earlier than I expected her today, while I was putting together a grocery list and getting ready to go to the store. She brought food to cook for dinner as we planned, but I had no recollection of her saying what time she was coming (she claimed she told me between 4 and 5PM).

I told her I was going to take a shower and then go to the store. She seemed pretty perturbed by that, so I asked her if she had plans for later that I was encroaching on, and she said no. So I did as I had planned.

We had dinner as a family, W cooked, and then we set the kids up to watch a movie while we went over both of our individual corporate benefit plans to decide which is the best way to go in covering the family. I didn't have all the details of mine, as I had spent the week in transition into my new role (Monday was my first day). Again she was irritated by this. I told her I apologize, but I was slightly busy in ramping up in my new job. I then said, "I thought we were going to talk about US, otherwise what is the point in deciding benefits?"

She brushed that off saying something to the effect of "I didn't mean we would do that FIRST. I'm sorry you interpreted it that way."

So we made the benefits decision and I said, "So. What do you have to talk to me about?"

So then she said, "I've been going back and forth as you know, and have been thinking about this alot, but I don't see myself coming back in the forseeable future".

I just said "OK. I'll call my lawyer on Monday and have him finalize the papers."

Then I mentioned the holiday schedule. Since Christmas falls on my day, I asked her that we be considerate of the kids and that we not force them to shuffle between residences Christmas morning. I asked for their sake that wherever they are going to spend Christmas, that they wake up there and stay there.

This seemed to hit her as she started to argue that we should use the same procedure as always, she dropping the kids off around noon. I told her that was BS, and that she is once again not considering the kids. This led to more discussion, mostly unproductive, and she said she would think about it.

I would rather flip a coin and risk losing the kids for the whole of Christmas Day than turn it into some BS exercise for them, but she doesn't see it that way.

Again alot of talk about "They are FINE. The kids will be FINE."

I said talk to a divorce lawyer and see what they have to say about that. She said she talked to a divorce counselor and was told that the kids will be OK. To that I asked her if the counselor was divorced. She said she didn't know.

It was an emotional conversation, not knock down drag out, as the kids were near us, but she teared up and so did I. Not for me. Not for my marriage. But for my kids. If we had no kids, this would be a lot easier to take.

I told her when we tell the kids there will be no "We" or "Our" in the discussion. We will tell them that mommy has decided that this is what she wants.

My W said "I think that's shi++y. Why would we turn them against one of us. They are not old enough to understand the dynamics of marriage."

I told her to live with the consequences of her decision, but I am not having any part of "We".

As they were getting ready to go I asked her how long she needed to think about Christmas arrangements. She looked at me with a weary teary look and said, "Can I have a day?"

Then I asked her "Will you be arranging for consel this week? Because I don't want any delays in the process."

Again a weary reply "Yes if I have time."

So here it ends. Like I said, I was ready for any outcome and I am. I'm sad for the kids and for her, as she's making a grave mistake she will one day regret. But I am happy for me. I have closure on a sad chapter in my life. And although there are many tedious and painful details ahead, I have total and complete confidence that I am in the Lord's hands, and my tomorrows are going to be much better then my yesterdays and todays.

--Pigskin
We started into some R talk and I was irritated, just telling her calmly how everything has been jus