Have you read Divorce Busting or the Divorce Remedy? Get your hands on one of those books and read it. You'll find your answer there.
You are absolutely right - when you act angry and confront and raise your voice, you are not going to be someone your wife wants to talk to (think about it - do you want to talk to someone who's reacting from those negative emotions?).
When you get yourself in check - set appropriate boundaries and live within them - then speak to your wife in a loving way - she's going to be much more likely to want to talk to you and reconnect with you and the marriage.
It's counterintuitive - but it works.
Get the book. The DBing philosophy is useful in every aspect of your life - and it's a very very good start to saving your marriage when it's in crisis.
Take care, V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
