This is long, but I want to journal this because it feels like such an odd point in my R with H. Maybe a turning point, maybe not. I won’t know till all this is done really. My IC told me to watch for H to be “checking for weirdness” for a while after he & I had sex a few days ago.
Last night H didn’t answer when I called D3 for night-nights, but texted back that she was watching a show & he would have her call before she fell asleep. He called about 30 minutes later. D3 was snuggled up in bed and really too tired to talk much, do H “pretended” to be her and said “I love you mommy, goodnight!,” like she usually does. I responded “I love you too sweetie!” like I normally would to Ida. It was kind of weird. We both were talking like we would if it had been Just D3, but it ‘felt’ like we were… I don’t know, talking over her head to each other?
I have caught him doing that more and more when I see him. He will say something to D3, like “you have the best mommy in the world,” but look at me when he says it. Kind of like ha can’t say anything nice to me directly, so he sends it through our D.
Anyway, he was very sweet sounding. When I told him I would see him in the morning, he told me he had forgotten that he had to be at work earlier than he had thought, so was going to have to drop-n-run. Pullback? Probably, but hey, I was expecting it. And no nasty coldness in his voice.
I go ahead and go to bed, wakeup and go for a run in the morning. When I get back I see that H sent me a text at 1:45 last night. Our phones occasionally don’t send a message right away. Annoying, but nothing I can do about it. Apparently D3 was throwing up from midnight to 5, about every 30 minutes. His message had said he would call if it got serious, but that she was not dehydrated or anything, so not an emergency. Glad H got to handle that one. After all, he is the one making us single parents. (insert evil laugh here…)
Once I saw the message I texted to see how they were. H called a few minutes later. No fever, but neither of them had gotten much sleep at all. I offered to come get her instead of having him try to rush to get here in time for him to go to work. H said thanks, it would be great if I did that. He was already running late and had a huge load of vomit laundry to get washed too. Yuck!
When I got there, I gave H a hug and we chatted over coffee for a bit while D3 finished watching an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. It went well. No weirdness, and it didn’t seem awkward to me. (My DBing goal for the day was a success!) I asked him to call me to talk about D3 schedule for the next week and he said to call him at work today. H mentioned that he had taken D3 to play at her friend L’s house. Friend L, BTW, has a connection to possible OW, but her dad is also one of the only other dad’s H has as a friend. I restrained myself and didn’t ask who was there by reminding myself that it is (1) a good thing that H is getting less secretive and (2) D3 had told me earlier this week that she wanted to see friend L and wanted her daddy to take her there.
After getting D3 home & settled, I called H to talk about the schedule. 3 overnights and no plans to come over, at least as of now. I restrained myself from asking him to come over. I did tell him I would be working on our bookkeeping this weekend and we agreed to keep in touch on the phone to talk about it. It may be a good opening to meet face to face, but for now I will wait for H to make the next move. The conversation was slowing down, so I said goodbyes and hung up before it started to get awkward. H was friendly the whole time. I thought about it later and decided to call again to see if he had told D3’s friend’s parents about the tummy bug, just in case. He had, and we laughed a bit. Said goodbye quickly that time so it didn’t seem like I was just harassing him.
I figure he will be pulling back for a bit. I will try to keep the communication lines open somehow, without starting to pursue again. That will be hard, but not impossible. There is a lot of financial stuff to get in order, so I can use that as an excuse. He is being friendly and a tiny bit less secretive, but not making plans to come over right now.
This is hard. To keep on track I will try to keep in mind how far things have come. If I start to push, I will loose ground again. I don’t want that to happen.
Anyway, here is my plan. 1. No asking when H is coming over next, even if I think my head will explode. 2. Get the bookkeeping done so I can talk with H about it. It needs done anyway. 3. Keep posting on FB, but keep it neutral and fun 4. Talk to H about finances early this week. 5. If no days come up to see each other this week, I will call H to “just chat.” No R talk, just a check-in. 6. Keep up the PMA, not just for DBing either.
Ya know, it just wouldn’t be ‘me’ to not have a plan, would it?
