I have changed over the years and W sees that and admits that, but only looks at the negatives from years and years. She just asked me whats going on? I guess she expects me to take all the steps for the divorce.
Read that part again, several times if necessary, understand what's happening behind that statement.
You changed and your wife even admits it, so basically you corrected several behaviors that she says were bothering her, she might have even said they were the reason why she is leaving you. But if you fixed those behaviors and she admits that herself, then is it possible that those are still the issues she was leaving you for to begin with?
They are excuses to rationalize her behaviors, otherwise she would have no reason not to try again.
Concentrate on what else she told you:
Quote:
....and she was going to pursue a relationship with someone else.
That's the real reason why your changes didn't make a difference in fixing your marriage problems, there were other more powerful reasons to leave you, ie. another man.
Let her go. Pursuing a woman who doesn't want to be with you is extremely unattractive, she is trying to tell you that she doesn't want to be with you because she wants or wanted to be with someone else she was interested in. She didn't want to be graphic in her response to you because she felt guilty enough as it is and tried to deflect that guilt by blaming specific behaviors on your part but what happened when you changed and removed those reasons she came up with?
Nothing happened.
She still doesn't want to be with you.
That is reality, when a spouse is interested in someone else, when they have fallen in love with another person, are sexually attracted to someone else, they will come up with all the reasons in the world as to why they can't be with you anymore.
"I love you but I'm not in love with you"
"We grew apart"
"You do this, that and the other and I don't like those things"
"We settled for each other"
"We married for the wrong reasons"
"We have too many years of negative history"
"You don't let me spend enough money"
"You never bought us a big house, fancy cars, we never went on fancy vacations regularly, etc."
"It's not you, I just don't feel like having sex" (and then you find out about the affair and sexual relations with someone else, so it had nothing to do with with low sex drive in general just not sexually attracted to you when they are thinking of the other person)
Lots and lots of excuses and ton more where they came from but usually hiding the real reasons they're too guilty to admit and would rather deflect the guilt by blaming you to make themselves feel better about what they're doing and feeling.
