Need insight

[angel61]

HI Pickle, I am in almost the same sitch. I have a D11 and my H dropped bomb last July, but after I begged and pleaded he agreed to stay until the D11 is old enough. He said his EA is one sided, for a while it became reciprocal (I knew from spying) but thankfully, like yours, it was long distance.
I wanted to stop him from seeing her but because of what I learned from DB, and from friends who have had MLC (which is a secondary diagnosis, I think, for my H), I just decied to let go, leave it to God.
He went to visit her, and I think it did not turn PA. Lately, the OW has started having guilty feelings, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that this stays that way and that one day it will die a natural death.
I wish I could do as robx says, it seems so logical, but again, i do not have the guts and everytime I see D, it kills me to think of having to explain to her. She loves her dad so much, and he is a really good and responsible dad. This kind of action (the ultimatum) is something you have to be ready for! I think only you can tell if it will work, as you know her well.

For me, I think even if my H is not willing for now, in the long run, being together will give more time to work on the DB techniques. Then maybe down the road I will think of giving an ultimatum, or some other action I can control.

Good luck!

Angel61