Well I made very little comment because I felt that you had a pretty good handle on things! They all sounded like good solutions to me, although I did not like the self bashing tone of the message--I know for a fact that your wife could have handled the situation better because I have BEEN that awful woman who says hurtful things to get a reaction, any reaction, from her man.
I would offer one more thing though if you are interested: If you ever find yourself in another R with an HD woman, I would give some sort of sexual attention every day. Whether it's a look, a comment, a grope or an actual sexual act. I would give the same advice to the LD women.
Other than that, I agreed with everything you said--going to bed at the same time, ditch the TV, being affectionate and sexual (within reasonable limits of course, with the Crohn's).
Is there any chance that you will ever reconcile with your wife?
Actually, there is an "Idiots Guide to the Perfect Marriage" book out there. It's done by the same publisher as the other "Idiot's Guide". I've checked out a copy from my local library. It's got basic chapters on communication and it has a series of questionaires you can take with your spouse.
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
Like, What goes through your mind when your spouse asks for sex? depends on the day, if he's been horrid and nasty then I jsut don't want a bar of it, but to keep the peace I almost always do.
What goes through your mind when you know you've hurt your spouse? I don't usually think of it as hurting hyim, not until todya when I've read everyones stories. Usually, it's me that feels hard done by.
Do you think about sex a lot? never. its something I'm goingt to work at tho.
Do you find other ways to satisfy the urges that you DO have? well, I don't have urges LOL and thats the problem, DH feels unloved because of this. I have taken to smoking a little weed, which helps me be very adventurous, I have no pain from arthritis, no one else exists, and I can let myself go. hubby has been very happy with this experiment LOL
Quote: Is there any chance that you will ever reconcile with your wife?
Right now I am underemployed, I can not offer any security for her, so till I get a real secure job, not a chance in hell. I am pursing state job, and as you can figure it may take a while. I also may go into teaching, either way they will take me 1-2 years to get there.
The bug that gets me, is when in the past we have had each other to get throuh the tough times so I could find a good job and not have to be hurried. And not be to worried that it was not secure. I have always been able to get good paying jobs, just no job security in the field.
