Well I made very little comment because I felt that you had a pretty good handle on things! They all sounded like good solutions to me, although I did not like the self bashing tone of the message--I know for a fact that your wife could have handled the situation better because I have BEEN that awful woman who says hurtful things to get a reaction, any reaction, from her man.
I would offer one more thing though if you are interested: If you ever find yourself in another R with an HD woman, I would give some sort of sexual attention every day. Whether it's a look, a comment, a grope or an actual sexual act. I would give the same advice to the LD women.
Other than that, I agreed with everything you said--going to bed at the same time, ditch the TV, being affectionate and sexual (within reasonable limits of course, with the Crohn's).
Is there any chance that you will ever reconcile with your wife?
