I have to say, CeMar, that it is only in talking to you on this forum that I understand my X. I thought he was nuts when he said he thought I didn't love him. I REALLY DID LOVE HIM. So at least now (too late) I understand that my lack of initiative made him feel unloved.
That's why I keep asking you if you have really told your W flat out that this situation is a deal-breaker.
I also understand what your W says when she says she wants you to have more confidence in the marriage. I felt this way about my X. He would say he wanted me to initiate, I would say, just go for it! Asking me or tentatively putting out feelers (ha!) just puts a damper on me. He didn't understand this.
I wanted him to be more aggressive about things. I didn't want to feel fear coming from him. Now I know that you are going to say that it's hard to be confident and aggressive when you fear rejection. I understand that, but still, the fear is not attractive.
You know the old saying, "If you want her to be more of a woman, try being more of a man." MAybe you should just experiment once: just plough ahead, ravish her! (I don't mean rape her, of course.) See if you get a different reaction. I bet you do.
You both need to tap into different sides of yourselves. The two sides meeting each other now are not making it.
