Interesting name, I have an email that is honeybeepot.
Okay, what would have made a difference
I did not listen, I listen to fix, not realizing just keeping quiet and listening was all I needed to do. I could never understand why she said I never listen.
Next her love languages were physical touch, and words of affirmation. My was acts of service. So when I did act of service for her, I could not understand why it did not make a diffence.
Sex, hers went up and mind went down, so like all LD I avoided physcal touch, so she would not confuse it for wanting sex. In addition my testostorone going dowm, I have Chron's disease, so I have a pain in my gut all the time. Puts a downer on sex, Neicie144, can attest to this. Now I did not like to ML at night and she did. I should have forced myself to accommadate her. Also I would not have a TV in the bedroom. And go to bed at the same time on a consistent basis. I am a nightowl and she is early bird.
Next we went to a "normal" marriage couselor, I remember her, saying when I ask if we would get divorced, she say she did not know. So all we did was bitch about each other in the couseling sessions.
So had I had Mars/Venus and love languages sooner, and lastly a SBT couselor, I would have met her needs. The OM was divorced 3 years before he met XW and he learned this stuff after he got divorced, so he was able to suck the XW in.
Other things, she grew up in single female parent household, everyone of her brothers and sisters is divorced at least once, and her one brother is married 3 times.
The funny thing is our martial problems did not occur till after her mother died. I did find out one thing from her sister, that when the XW whine to her mother, she told her to quit whining and work on her marriage.
